Novel by the Numbers - Chapter 4

Broken Souls ... by Annay Dawson

Chapter 4

The screen door of the café closed behind him with a small clatter as he walked in and across the room to the table where he always sat.  The place was busy, but not as busy as it was at lunch.  The table was by the fireplace against the wall.  There were a few other people in the place that he noticed giving them a nod or wave as he walked by.  This place was busiest at lunch when all of the office and other such workers scrambled in for something good to eat.  The evening crowd was thinner and seemed to dribble in over a two to three hour period leaving room for the occasional drop in.  Usually with one or two tables open.  He was lucky that the table he liked was open.
They weren't open for breakfast but if they were he was sure they would do a booming business.  From what he knew the owners just wanted a small business to keep them busy, earn a little money, but not to tie them down.  Most people in here he had seen before and he gave them a small nod or wave as he passed, but it wasn’t until he sat down that she came into his sites.  She was new.
“Hey Holden, twice this week.  To what do I owe the pleasure,” Doris was approaching his table.  She was just over five and a half feet with features that weren't above average.  She weighed about ten pounds more than she should have as well.  And as she approached his table she didn't miss the fact that he was staring at the newcomer.  
Doris had waitressed at this place for the last ten years and over the many times he had been in town she had gotten to know Holden.  Doris was about ten years older and many husbands wiser, but if she had been younger Holden knew she would have tried to get his attention, adding him to her list.  It was in the way she looked at him each time he came in.  It looked like she could make a meal of him starting at one end and slowly moving her way up.  Her eyes gave away the place where she would start as well.  It was also in the way she made sure that she stepped just close enough to be in his personal space every time she came over to him.  And even though he liked the attention he was thankful that she didn’t go any farther than that.  He wasn’t looking to be another notch on her belt.
Doris loved looking at him.  She could stand there all day and look if he’d let her.  She appreciated a fine work of art.  At six foot one inch he was built just right, broad and powerful on top, slimming nicely into the jeans that rested happily on his hips with a pair of thighs that were all muscle.  She was sure of that as she had purposely bumped into him a couple of times over the years just to find out for herself.  With her curiosity satisfied she had gone back to just stepping close enough to feel the heat that radiated from him, but she wasn’t ready for another husband and this one was too young anyway.  It was just fun to imagine and no one got hurt this way.  Plus she wasn't the focus of his attention right now.
His dark, slightly wavy hair was growing out a bit but it didn’t matter how he wore it, it always looked good and she could only imagine how soft if felt.  It framed his rugged suntanned face just perfectly.  Doris hadn’t seen him come in but she was going to make sure that she watched him go out because she wasn’t sure how many times that would happen before he was off again.  And seeing that tight backend was one of the best views in town and a personal pleasure for her.  After all she wasn’t dead just taking a break.  
“Addy and Mia headed out for a girls night at the mall,” he smiled. This happened to be one of the places Addison ate on a regular basis and he could understand why, “Hair, nails, the whole thing with a group of Mia’s friends.”
“Oh the Precious Princess.  I hear that they do great group parties, and you’re missing all that,” she said incredulously placing one hand on her hip and giving him a sarcastic smile.  Holden loved bantering back and forth with Doris.  He also knew that all he had to do was say the word and she would have jumped him, age be damned.
“I know,” and he flashed a grin, “Addy all but told me to stay home and watch football.”
“And yet here you are,” she folded her arms in front of her and waited for his answer, "Couldn't stay away could you?" 
“Was missing your smile, and a man’s got to eat.  I really didn’t feel like cooking tonight or watching football,” satisfied with his answer Doris went to hand him a menu and he shook his head, “No, don’t worry about that.  All I want is the meatloaf, potatoes and,” he paused a moment looking back over at the new comer, “to know who that person is that is sitting alone over there?”
“New in town I’d guess.  Haven’t seen her before tonight.  Don’t know that much about her yet either.  Not much of a talker but as you know if she keeps coming in here,” and Doris tucked the menu under her arm as she winked at him.
“You’ll soon know her life story,” and he laughed.
“Don’t you know it,” and she walked away sashaying just a bit more.  Holden now had a moment to study the new woman in town.  Maybe she was just passing through, maybe she was here to stay, but this cafe wasn't on the main path and would be a surprise if she had traveled in just to eat here.  She was eating soup and a sandwich while engrossed in some file, which made him think that she might be in town to stay.  She seemed to be consumed by work.  Similar to someone else he knew and he grinned a bit.  No matter he was enjoying watching her, studying her.  
Her hair, it looked like honey.  There were strands of it that had escaped from her ponytail and were drifting down past her cheek obscuring bits of her face.  The blue sweater she wore hugged her curves nicely.  When she nonchalantly pushed her hair back behind her ear Holden got his first good look at her face.  It surprised him, she had to be late twenties, early thirties.  Soft, pretty features reminded him of the porcelain dolls he had seen in the window of the antique store, but like those dolls her face looked like it was fixed.  She really didn’t look like she smiled a lot.  He could see the beginnings of frown or worry lines on her forehead, and they didn't belong there. Shouldn't be there.  He knew he was intently looking at her, staring really, but she intrigued him.  It looked like this pattern was more the norm for this woman than the exception as he saw no smile lines.  It made him wonder what had happened in her life to make her give up on living.  Was it her job that caused this or her life?  Glancing at his watch he thought about going over and introducing himself.
Kari subconsciously pushed her hair back behind her ear.  The file she was reading was sobering.  She had had some hard knocks in life, to say the least, but this family just kept getting bowled over by life.  The boy, Daniel, was really ill and would always be fighting to stay alive.  They had worked hard to care and love the boy for the last eight years of his life, but they would be caring for him for as long as he lived, if he lived.  That would be up to his heart and what the doctors could do about that.  Daniel had been in the hospital down the road an average of five times a year for one thing or another and if history was correct he was due for another trip pretty soon.  
Silently she sighed and closed the file.  Kari was glad she had made them the first stop on her list.  They were going to need her support fairly soon.  And even if she thought her life had been a mess, it had all been over fairly quickly.  With that thought the sadness overtook her again.  Pulling out her wallet she placed about twelve dollars on the table knowing that would cover the food and the tip.  She may not have a whole lot left but what she did have she knew enough to share.  Getting up she walked out without looking around.  Never knowing that she was being watched.
Holden couldn't take his eyes off her as she left and wasn’t surprised that she didn’t wait for Doris to bring her the bill.  It also didn’t surprise him that she didn’t talk with anyone.  Her face and body language had all but screamed that she had wanted to be alone.  It was too bad really.  A pretty woman like that shouldn’t be so isolated, or so somber.  As Doris came out of the back she noticed that she had left and she walked over to the table.  Doris cleaned off the table routinely and picked up the money.  Looking at the amount she just shrugged her shoulders and placed it in her apron before walking in his direction.
“Guess I’ll have to try for that history some other time,” she said in Holden’s direction.
“Guess you will,” but he doubted it would be an easy conversation.  He also doubted that she would really get down to the reason for her deep sadness.  Just by reading her body language, Holden was sure she protected that piece of herself pretty well.  She would be a tough cookie to crack.
It wasn’t long before his food arrived and he ate it without much thought of who or why the blond had been in the cafe.  It was true that he was feeling better.  A good night’s sleep was also on his list of things to do and realizing that if he could get home and get into bed before they got back he would have a much better chance at achieving it.  He had tried to tell Addison that his injuries had been nothing, but even he knew she didn’t believe him.  As he drove back to the dark house, he wondered if he would ever have the guts to tell her, or anyone, the whole story.
He walked into the house and didn’t bother to turn on any lights.  The moonlight filtered through the room leaving some corners dark and secretive but letting just enough light in for him to function.  Exactly how he felt right now.  Grabbing the notepad by the phone he started to jot down a note for the two women in his life right now.  

‘Had a great evening.  Went to bed early.  Can hardly wait to see your nails Me-Me.’ Taking the heart shaped magnet he stuck it to the frig and went upstairs quietly.  Stripping down to his boxers he threw on an extra large T-shirt that hid as well as protected the scars and slipped into bed.  His last thoughts were of the pretty but extremely serious blond he had seen at the café.  Getting comfortable in bed so as not to aggravate the new tissue he smiled as he came to the conclusion that they both had secrets they wanted and needed to protect.

Novel by the Numbers - Chapter 3

Broken Souls ... by Annay Dawson

Chapter 3

Holden pulled into the drive of the best local café around.  Driving past the side of the house down the small alley and to the back where the owners had made a small but sufficient parking lot he threw the truck in park and got out.  Slowly he straightened up, stretching cautiously taking care not to move too fast as all his muscles rippled with approval.  After the hard day's work he had put in at Addison’s he could feel the strain in each and every movement.  Slowly, as his arms relaxed and came back in towards his body he closed the truck’s door.  He was moving more slowly than he would have liked right now and wouldn’t admitted any of it to Addison, even if she had it video taped and presented it to him.  He was supposed to be recovering, some days he wondered if he would or could ever be the man he had been before the accident.  He had scars, both inside and out.  And even if he didn’t say it, his sister always knew when he overdid it.  If it hadn’t been for that helicopter crash he would still be in Afghanistan covering the downsizing of the American forces and the effect of the pullout.  Before now he had seen the misery, even written about it, but experiencing it was vastly different.  Now his entire world had tipped sideways and backwards.  As Cash, one of the guys who had died in the crash, would have put it catty-wampus, and he hadn't written in months.
Holden smiled as he walked toward the door and thought back over the discussion he had made earlier this evening.  Addison had saved him from a night surrounded by four eight-year-old girls and filled with shopping and squealing.  He had been subjected to this a couple of times when Mia had not only one but two sleepovers soon after he had arrived.  They had already been planned and hard to cancel, but all the noise and chaos had put him on edge.  A place he didn't like to be when he was with them.  Watching Addison earlier as they talked, Holden had known that coping with all this had been harder for his sister since he hadn't told her anything about how he had gotten hurt, how he had changed.  
She was trying to balance too many worries.  When he had shown up he had known that he didn’t want to be one more, but it was either stay with them or stay longer in the recovery center since they wouldn't allow him to be on his own yet.  He was better now, and if he wanted he could have gone back to his lonely little place but why would he.  He owed it to both Addison and Mia to be around a bit more after all he had been gone for quite a while.  He also needed to set Addy's mind at ease.  She worried about Mia and her job, and they should be the only things she should be worried about.  
Mia, at the age of eight, could work both her mother and him like a pro.  She could have taught the mind monkeys he had had to talk to a thing or two.  The first sleepover was when he had first arrived.  He had still been using a cane then and had no easy way to escape all the chaos that was uniquely Mia.  It was worse than when he had been on assignment in Iraq.  At least he had lost enough blood to lose consciousness back then.  He hadn’t been as lucky this time. 
He had been here long enough now to have lost most of his limp.  He didn't need a cane anymore.  Addy had used what she could still see to give him a way to escape from the girlie girl get-togethers that Mia seemed to plan with some regularity.  Tonight's ambush had happened when he was standing in the kitchen filling a glass of water unaware of what was coming his way.  Mia had run into the room with her mother on her heals.  Mia though, had only one purpose in mind.  Her goal was to beg him to go with her tonight to the mall, her and her friends, to help supervise their hair and nail bash.  He had seen no way to avoid the inevitable.  Preparing to surrender he was relieved to see Addison’s face, her arms folded securely in front of her, an unmovable force.   After all Mia had had him wrapped around her little finger since the day she was born.  
“Please, please, please come with us.  We are going to have so much fun and Mom says we can go to Pike’s Pizza and I know how much you love Pike’s Pizza,” when she looked at him with those big brown eyes he knew he couldn’t say anything else but yes.  Her long black eyelashes batted up and down as she stared up at him with a hopeful little smile on her face. Man she could work it. 
“Mia honey,” Addison quickly cut across the conversation that was about to happen and swooped in front of Mia to his rescue.  All she had to do was look into Holden’s eyes to know that he needed saving from the unfair emotional argument of a eight year old as well as some rest.  After all, today he had again done way too much, “Don’t you think we should let Uncle Holden stay home and rest.  I know how much he likes hanging out with you and your friends,” Holden wondered how she had said that with a straight face, “but after all he is trying to get better and he has worked really hard this week helping Daniel's family and doing things around here,” she gave him the look letting him know that she had seen and heard about what he had done.  He watched as Mia’s mood began to change, her shoulders drooped and her smile fade.
“Addy if it really is that important to her,” he started to say but he wasn’t allowed to finish.  Addison waved her hand at him dismissing his words as she would an unruly child in her classroom.  She placed both hands on Mia’s shoulders turning her around and then turned her attention back toward him.
“Holden, Mia will be just fine not having you at her beck and call tonight.  I’ll be there with all the girls and could really use the girl time myself as well.  Maybe when we get out of here you can take a few minutes to just kick back and relax, and I do mean relax.  Feet up, beer in hand.  The whole works and not the type of relaxing you’ve been doing,” she stressed the last word as she lifted one eyebrow.  “Mia, now go and get ready so we won’t be late,” giving her a gentle nudge.  She stood quietly in the kitchen and watched Mia moodily stomp out.
“Thanks Addy,” Holden visibly relaxed as he spoke and it didn’t go unnoticed.  Addy and Mia had known about his leg injury.  No way to hide that especially since he had been using crutches and then a cane, but they didn’t know about the severe burns he had suffered on his chest and back.  Those were still painful and hidden while they were healing.  Addy may have suspected there was something else but she had said nothing, waiting on him to talk to her.
“Hon, we both know how much you love her but you need a break from all the girl stuff,” Addison smiled and walked over to him.  She grabbed his water glass and took a long sip from it.  “That and you have been doing way too much around here especially if you were supposed to be resting and recuperating.  I’m pretty sure that doesn’t include painting the house these last few days.”  The worst Addison could do was look at him with her brows furrowed a little.  She had made a point of not telling Mia how bad she had suspected that Holden had been hurt.  What she knew, and Holden didn’t, was that a psychologist had called before he arrived and there had been a long talk about grief and recovery.  Whatever he had been through this time must have been way past what she would consider awful.  There wasn’t anything left physically, that she could see, but Addison knew he wasn’t here just because he needed to recover from all the physical wounds.  She hoped that being here with them would go a long way in helping in other areas.
Mia just loved it when Holden was around and it would scare her to know that at those times that he wasn’t nearby he could be in danger.  She spent every moment of the day that she could with her uncle when he was here.  Both Addison and Holden knew that when Mia was at school she talked incessantly about him to anyone and everyone who would listen.   So much so that her teacher had asked if he would be interested in coming in and reading to the class or helping out.  Holden also had a suspicion that there might be other reasons he had been asked as well.  
“I’m doing fine and you know that.  Painting the house needed to be done and you don’t have time or extra money for it.  If I had waited much longer it would be too cold at night,” Holden said and then took the glass and took a sip of water himself, “and I’m thinking about going in to school and helping out in her classroom.  While I’m here.”  He could hear Addison’s explosive blast of air as she harrumphed him and folded her arms again ready to become the heavy.  “Oh come on now, I’m resting the only way I know how to.  I won’t get better by sitting on my rear and watching daytime TV.  I don't need to see that kind of crap.  I may lose my faith in the human condition," he wasn't sure if he hadn't, "I’d rather be reading a book to her class and it would be fun.  I take it her teacher didn’t clear it with you first.”
“You are so spoiling her and it will take me a year to get her to stop talking about her hero after you leave again, even if it happens then,” Addison walked over to the fruit bowl on the table and picked up an apple for her then another throwing it at him, “Let’s change the topic.  How are you feeling, really?”
“Actually I like spoiling her and who cares if she can’t ever stop talking about me,” taking a bite out of the apple he talked on as he chewed.  He was as close to a father as Mia would get unless Addy actually started to date.  It was obvious that he was tired as he leaned against the counter more for support than as a casual stance, “As for me, I’m doing much better.  I don’t have much pain left in the leg.  I haven’t used the cane at all the last few days.  I’ve been swimming up at the pond in the mornings as you know and it seems to help,” the cold water had helped a lot with the pain he still felt from the areas of his body that had gotten burned.  Holden took another bite of apple and weighed whether or not he should tell Addison about what he was contemplating.  
“It’s pretty cold to be swimming up there this time of year,” she watched but didn’t see any reaction.  He may be standing here in her kitchen but he was miles away, “Okay, out with it Holden,” Addison put her apple down and placed her hands on her hips as she leaned up against the counter opposite him, “You may be able to hide what you feel from everyone else, but not me big brother.”
“I was just thinking about what I want to do with my future,” he focused on the apple now and paused for what seemed like a long time waiting for a reaction.
“Really?” Addison prompted softly not wanting to spook him, or push him away from the topic.
“Yah, really. Got an email from Tyler,” he smiled and looked back at her, “I might want to make a change, maybe settle down a bit.  Stay closer to both of you,” he watched to see if Addison was surprised but she hid it well if she was.  However, the conversation ended abruptly as the ever-bouncy eight-year-old Mia came flying back into the room with her pretty pink dress on as well as her furry boots.  Flinging her hands out dramatically she announced her arrival.
“I’m ready Mom,” her smile was contagious and Holden reached out and grabbed her in mid bounce and gave her a gigantic hug.  She hugged him back enthusiastically and even though it was painful Holden said nothing, hadn't ever said anything.  To him it would have been more painful not to accept hugs from her.
“Eat some pizza for me will you Me-me,” he told her as he set her back down giving her a great big kiss atop her head as he did.
“Come now, let’s get out of here and let Holden have a quiet night and maybe he’ll even watch some football,” Addison grabbed Mia with one hand and gave Holden a look at the same time.  She raised one eyebrow as she got pulled out the door by her daughter but the look said that she would be there for him to talk later if he wanted, “I happen to know there is a game on tonight.  Channel twelve.”

“I just might do that,” he said as Addison and Mia went out the back door, but he hadn’t wanted to watch football.  Once they were in the car and down the road he looked in the frig and discovered that there was nothing ready to warm and eat in there.  He would have to put up with a fried egg for something fast, or do some real cooking which he was good at, but had no desire to do.  He could also go out and grab a bite to eat.  After a long day of painting it was a no brainer, he didn’t want to cook.  The painting today had really taken its toll on his body and he ached more than he wanted to admit to himself and more than he would admit to Addison.  She would be so in his face about how she knew best and he wasn’t going to give her that kind of satisfaction.  So he took his achy body and crawled into the old truck he kept there and drove to the diner. 

Novel by the Numbers - Chapter 2

Broken Souls ... by Annay Dawson

Chapter 2


Kari didn’t even bother to go toward the kitchen for breakfast.  It was almost routine now, every time she had this dream she skipped breakfast.  Flicking off the light and pulling the apartment door closed behind her she made her way down the stairs out to the car.  She would have liked to call it home, but it wasn’t.  Oh the house was very cute and the way they had redone it into a couple of apartments hadn't taken away any of the charm, but it didn’t seem like a home, it seemed more like a stop over.  If her job at the clinic went well maybe she would settle down here, look for a small house to buy.  New Field was as good a town as any, and right now they needed her as much as she needed them.  She wouldn’t go back to Richmond, couldn’t go back there, too many bad memories.  There was also the fact that their friends, her friends now, were trying to fix her up.  She didn't say anything to them but this made her unhappy because she wasn’t ready, wasn't sure she ever would be.  
She hadn't wanted to leave the state, so when the opening at the clinic for a Medical Case Manager was the only thing she found that fit what she was qualified for and wanted to do she took it.  Her only other choice was to take a position as an assistant manager at the department store in Lynchburg a few miles down the road from here.  That wasn’t what she wanted and although walking into a health clinic was hard, it would have been nearly impossible to walk back into the hospital where she had worked a year ago.  She had resigned shortly after Trevor had died against everyone’s advice but she knew she couldn’t keep walking back into the place where he had died.
New Field was a good six hours away from Richmond and the life that she was escaping.  There she had managed the Human Resource department in one of the largest hospitals, which made her overqualified for this job in New Field.  The job had been challenging and rewarding until that day when Trevor had been brought into the emergency room.  She would never forget it.  She had been there from the moment that he arrived and had had some hope of recovery until the moment that there was no hope left.  It hadn’t taken her long to resign after they had 'pulled the plug'.  She then lived off of her savings for a while as she hid from the world and herself.  
It had been a rude awakening when she realized that life, as much as she hated the thought, would go on without Trevor, just not if she stayed in Richmond.  That was when she applied for this job.  When she interviewed with the director of the clinic he was open and honest with her and afraid that her qualifications would keep her from staying.  Kari in return was just as honest about her qualifications and why she wanted this job.  When she had explained everything to him, he hired her on the spot.
Kari walked down the street at a quick pace.  She loved to walk, to run, and to hike.  It was one of the reasons she had picked this area.  The town itself wasn’t huge but it was large enough to house a medical clinic that served not only this town but also the surrounding countryside.  That meant a lot of people and a few doctors.  It kept them very busy.  That was perfect.  Her new job included doing home visits as well as routine office work.  That meant that many days she would be out of the office traveling the area.  It would make her be social again if only for her job.  It was a big change for her and it would do her good.  She could still do what she had wanted to in life, just not in a hospital.  Not in a place that had caused her so much pain.  
Taking in a deep breath she let the cool air fill her lungs.  The day itself was brisk, not cold enough for a coat yet but brilliantly sunny.  It almost made her smile as she walked down the street protected from the worst of the wind by the old two story houses that lined each side.  The tall trees would obstruct the sun and provide much needed shade in the summer but for now, with their leaves of gold and reds, they added a much needed cheeriness to the day that she was still trying to feel.   
Kari noticed the gradual change along the street from residential homes to business and offices.  With her quick and steady pace she soon arrived at work.  It had only been about a fifteen minute walk after she left the apartment.  New Fields wasn’t home but with any luck it was her re-entry point to life, even Trevor’s sister had encouraged her to start doing something, anything, so she could start living again.  Her exact words were, “It was time to stop holding a candle for what couldn’t be anymore,” and she had been right so Kari had ended up here.  She paused for only a second on the bottom step.  Taking a deep breath she turned and walked up the steps of the clinic and pushed open the door.
“Kari right?” it was the receptionist that greeted her before she even got two steps into the room.  
“Yes and you are,” Kari hesitated.  She knew she had seen her at the interview but couldn't remember her name.
“Jordan,” she smiled and got up to open the dividing door between the waiting room and the internal offices for Kari.  She seemed to have a natural bounce to her, “Jordan Holmes and we are so glad to have you here on staff.  The Director, Dr. McCoy, was sorry he couldn’t be here to welcome you today.  He told me to give you his apologies especially since this is your first day and all but his wife went into labor last night and well, you can guess the rest,” Kari felt as if Jordan was doing a great job of welcoming her.  She was really hoping for less attention.  The less attention on her right now the better. Just the sheer fact that Jordan had finished talking while handing Kari a cup of coffee with one hand and a blueberry muffin for her other hand was quite impressive. 
“Thank you so much," she said with a little shock and a genuine smile, "I didn’t know his wife was expecting,” Kari sipped at her coffee trying to ignore the muffin.
“How could you," she smiled and almost bounced down the hall, "you’ve just gotten here.  But I’ll tell you we are so excited about it here.  They have been trying for the last three years to have kids and this time it took.  It’s a little boy.  They plan on naming him James,” she smiled again, “So I’m afraid we will all be on pins and needles until we get the call saying that all went well.  Speaking of that, the rest of the staff will be in within the next half hour or so.  They were all waiting at the hospital as long as possible but are now reluctantly on their way.  Patients will start to stream in here in about an hour,” Jordan walked her toward an office away from the examining rooms. “And here is your office,” the only thing she didn’t do was swing the door open with a ‘Ta-da’ but Kari could tell she wanted to do just that.
The first thing she noticed besides the ordinary functional furniture usually found in medical offices was that most of it was past it’s prime about five years ago.  This was definitely a clinic that ran one of two ways, on a shoestring budget or so busy that there was no time for anything else.  It didn’t matter though she wasn’t planning on spending much time here after the first few days and by the looks of the pile of files on her desk it may take a couple more days than she planned to get organized and then she could be out in the field.  By the looks of it she could safely assume that the case manager before didn’t get to spend much time here either.
“Sorry about all the files, they just seem to keep piling up,” Jordan went into the room first and opened the curtains so that the sun streamed in.
“I thought that was why I was hired,” Kari set the muffin and the coffee down on the corner of the desk and smiled.  “Actually I’m really looking forward to getting to work.”
“Then I’m glad you got the job,” Jordan moved toward the door, “Just yell if you need something.  I will leave you alone to get to it.  Door open or closed?”  Jordan stood awaiting the answer with her hand on the doorknob. 
“Open I think and Jordan,” Kari made it a point to honestly take it all in and smile, for the first time in a long time, “Thanks for the welcome.”
"My," and Jordan's shoulders relaxed as she smiled, "pleasure."
The next time that Kari looked at the clock it was a little past one and almost each and every person who worked here had stopped in to say ‘Hi’.  It had been overwhelming and heart warming all at the same time.  She had made more progress than she thought she would have.  Half of the pile had been read and reviewed but she still had another stack next to the file cabinet that would take even longer.  It was evident that they hadn’t had a case manager on staff for a while.  Standing up to stretch she knew that the move and job choice had been a good one.  She wouldn’t have any time to wallow in the past and she would feel useful again helping others.  Who knew, maybe all this work may just help her as well.  It was the best place for her to rejoin the world she had no other choice but to just dig in and do it.  
The rest of the day went by about as fast.  It was about three-thirty when Jordan stuck her head in and told Kari that the little boy, baby James, that Dr. and Mrs. McCoy had been waiting on just made his entrance into the world.  He was seven pounds and six ounces and as healthy as could be.  
“And the mom?” Kari felt the need to ask.
“Both parents are just beaming I hear, tired but beaming,” Jordan herself was smiling ear to ear.  “Dr. McCoy will be back in the office next week I hear but it wouldn’t surprise me to see that change as well, so I guess you’re stuck with the rest of us for now.”
“Everyone has been great. I don’t think I will have any problems.  In fact, I was able to schedule three appointments, home visits, tomorrow for follow ups on treatments and service.”
“Wow, that’s great,” Jordan was impressed.  She had wondered a bit about Kari since she hadn't come out of her office except for the necessities all day long, but now some of that doubt was drifting away.  “Well don’t burn yourself out even before you get started.”
“Hey, before you go what can you tell me about the Cortez family?”  Kari had been particularly interested in his case.  The boy was about eight years old and had a whole host of problems the mildest of which was asthma.  The worst one was a gastroesophageal motility disorder, which caused him not to be able to eat normally.  The parents and school had to feed him through a feeding tube.  The clinic provided the parents and school with training and information.  It was an important place to start for Kari.  This family hadn’t had a visit in over two months, and the school hadn't been contacted in almost a year.  It was the top priority for her to make sure their needs were met and the boy was getting the service he deserved.  
“They are great people.  Been thrown a whole lot of pain but they take it one day at a time and are always smiling.  Why?”  Jordan was looking at her but glancing back toward her desk every once in awhile to make sure she wasn’t missing anyone.
“I made an appointment to see them tomorrow.  I think it's important that I meet them first.  It’s been two months since they have seen a case manager from here and I just wanted a bit more background before I saw the mom tomorrow,” Kari closed the file on her desk.
“I’m glad you’re going to see them,” Jordan turned and hollered over her shoulder, “Be right with you,” then turned back, “If patterns hold he will be needing us rather soon.  You don’t need to worry about them.  They will appreciate it so much.” 
“Glad to know that,” Kari said to Jordan’s back as she left the room.  Kari glanced at her watch and thought she would put in one more hour before heading home.  She still had so much to try and put away both in that small apartment and in her head, but after thinking that this was going to be so hard, she could be honest with herself.  It had been the right time for her to move on and she was more relaxed for doing it.
An hour and a half later just before the rest of the staff was finished making all their reports for the day Kari packed up and closed her door.  She hadn’t taken any lunch so she didn't feel bad leaving before everyone today.  With what she had read this would probably be a rarity.  On the walk home Kari noticed the small cafe she had seen in the morning.  It was literally inside a cute little house that had to have been built back in the nineteen twenties in the transitional area between residential and business.  The smells wafting from the windows would remind many people of grandma’s house and happier times and it called to Kari.  Ready for happier times and memories her stomach made a huge rumbling noise.  All these signs were trying to convince her to stop and eat.  Turning toward the front door it seemed like a good idea, if nothing else, just to grab a bite before going back to the apartment that had very little food in it and sorting stuff.  
As she walked up the three steps to the front door she was welcomed with a smile from another friendly person and ushered in and then to a table.  Kari didn't take the time to get her name, instead, sitting down at the small table near the door she tried not to draw too much attention to herself.  The room was rather large for the look of the building.  There were at least ten tables that varied from being able to hold two people to those that help up to six.  The room was painted a lovely blue and had a white wooden wainscot on the bottom of the wall.  She suspected that there was another room that sat guests as well, but couldn't prove it right now.  The windows were dressed up in pale yellow curtains with a billowy valance that waved gently as the fan blades moved the air about the room.  The fireplace in the corner only had candles in it but soon would hold a warm friendly fire, just perfect for the look and feel of the place.  The table and chairs were solid dark woods that had the weather looked of well-loved furniture and more importantly were comfortable to sit and relax on while the soft  sounds of country music played in the background.  It was like walking back in history, back into a time when she was little.  She was happy then and life had just started.
It seemed perfect.  After all she was trying to get back into life, her recreated life, and leave behind all the pain of the past.  It was like starting all over again.  Opening up the menu she noticed that it wasn’t a large menu but it was filled with comfort food of all kinds.  It took Kari a few moments, everything sounded good so she made the easy decision, a half turkey sandwich and potato soup.  
Pulling out the files she had packed for later she started to read them while she waited for her meal. The waitress and hostess tried a couple of times to make conversation but Kari had kept it short.  She had talked to more people today than she had in the last three months and she was ready to just sit quietly.  If she had food in her frig she may have gone home instead and not stopped here, but she would have missed out on something special.  She didn't want to be rude but was happy when the waitress started to keep the conversational bits pleasant but short.  

Kari didn't look away from the file when she picked up the spoon and placed it in the soup.  Food had been for sustenance not for enjoyment ever since Trevor’s death.  But her first bite of food made her stop reading for a moment.  It was surprising how much she enjoyed the taste of the soup, the creamy texture in her mouth, and it's warmth, just the right temperature for eating.  It had been a long time since she had appreciated the flavor and comfort of food.  She wasn't quite ready to admit it, but New Field was making a good impression on her.

Novel by the Numbers - Chapter 1

Broken Souls ... by Annay Dawson

Chapter 1

With a puff of air from the corner of her lips the stray strand of hair flew off of Kari’s face as she collapsed into a chair.  It was the last box Kari had to unpack and she was now finally done.  It took her all of one day to move what she hadn’t sold or left into this modest apartment.  The small one bedroom apartment was located on the second story of this old converted Victorian house.  Most of her stuff she had chosen to leave behind.  Sold it with the old house to the newly married couple with their happy lives.  The apartment she had found here was only about half the size of what she was used to living in but it didn’t matter.  She hadn’t wanted most of the things from her other life so it had given her a good excuse to leave it behind.  Well at least most of it.  There were a couple of things that she couldn't part with.  She had spent the better part of a year or so trying to get over what had happened and hanging on to that had been like a buoy, keeping her from moving on in any direction.  

With the TV droning on in the background, some paid commercial for a blender, she glanced up at the clock.  She was surprised that it was already 2 o’clock in the morning.  After working hard all day moving in, unpacking boxes and trying to find some balance, she should have been way past ready to go to bed.  If only she could sleep.  She didn't need a clock to tell her that it was way too late to still be up, she had work in the morning.  It would be her first day at her new job, in a new town she now called home, and it looked like morning had already arrived without telling her.  Glancing toward the bathroom and then at the bed she decided to forgo the shower until morning.  She switched off the TV and just crawled in between the sheets.  This was supposed to be her new start after all and as she closed her eyes she could only hope that she was too tired to dream tonight.

Lying there, even though her body was dead tired, she stared at the ceiling waiting for sleep, even fearing it.  The only light in the room was from the full moon outside that slipped in between the curtains in the living room and through the small door that opened into her room.  She hated the light of the full moon now and should have gotten up and closed the curtains even more but she couldn't drag her tired body from the bed.  Most people would have appreciated the light the full moon supplied.  It was a nice glow that just touched the corner of the bed above her face.  It wasn’t too surprising because the bed overfilled the small room.  Kari could lie there without thinking that it had been their king-sized bed and that was why she couldn’t part with it, not yet.  She sighed.  She had known that the bed wouldn't leave much room for the two small nightstands that stood guard on each side and there would definitely be no room for their dresser, but she didn't care, she had wanted the bed.  

Earlier today Kari had spent about five minutes putting what fall and winter clothes she could into the small closet.  Stuffing it all in there really.  The rest of the boxes of clothes she had were still neatly packed and stuffed under the bed.  As Kari lay there tucked under the new down duvet she had just bought yesterday she looked small, felt small, almost child like.  She was just about five foot two and at most weighed one hundred and ten pounds soaking wet with her coat on.  She stared at the bland white walls of her new room, trying to come to terms with what her life was like now.  Finally, her thoughts cleared like the walls she looked at, and she fell into a deep coma like sleep.  Bits of her blond hair that had escaped her ponytail now lay splayed across the pillow as her eyes began the rapid movements that signaled REM sleep and the beginnings of a dream she so wanted to avoid.  

It was happening again, Kari felt weightless, ghost like and knew she was dreaming but could do nothing to stop it.  That was the cruel part.  She hovered there like some stranger, a tragic Shakespearian character, in her own dream watching yet feeling everything play out once again.  She had had this dream so many times nothing about it surprised her, but she would have given nearly everything she owned to make it stop.  Not that she had much, but her dream played on dragging her unwillingly back in time and into a world of pain and sadness she wanted to escape.  The dream flung her back to a time she would beg the gods that be to never have her repeat, and yet they brought her here again and again.  

As she stood there being a silent observer it was now more than a year and a half ago.  The large master bedroom was only dimly lit at eleven o'clock at night and soft tunes floated from the radio that she had left on waiting for him.  She lay there drifting in and out of sleep when she finally heard Trevor's keys hit the table in the dinning room where he always tossed them.  Moments later she heard him enter the room and the rustle of his suit jacket as he hung it on the rack that stood in the corner.  He had called earlier that evening and told her he was going to be late, client meeting.  Instead of being upset that their plans had been canceled she had decided to make new plans by heading to bed dressed in a red silk, barely there nightgown before he got home.  Truth be told the day had been long, she was tired, and the change of plans had been somewhat welcomed.  She was halfway between dreamland and consciousness when he had come in.  As he got closer to the bed Kari could tell he was trying to be quiet so even as she began to wake completely she lay still.  Slipping off his shoes she heard each one drop in the middle of the floor as he padded toward the bathroom.  

She heard his zipper and the familiar drop of the dress pants and belt as they hit the floor.  From the bathroom the familiar buzz of the razor sounded and her stomach clenched with anticipation.  There was only one reason for him to shave at night and it was for her, so he had had the same ideas.  Next, came the sliding sound of the belt buckle on the floor as the pants were picked up.  He made his way back to the suit rack that stood in the corner.  While he was hanging the pants up on the rack she slightly cracked open one eye.

It was a full moon and the soft glow of moonlight seeped through the cracks of the wooden blinds and settled on him.  Kari even more awake now, stirred a bit.  Missing the movie didn’t seem like such a big deal now.  She had to admit that she had been a bit perturbed at first, but once she had crawled under the covers those feelings had drifted away.  In fact she had appreciated heading off to bed early, especially now.

Trevor approached her side of the bed and she felt the dip as he sat down.  Kari decided not to stir as she felt the cool air on her body as his hands pulled the sheet back gently so as not to wake her.  Her eyes fluttered opened when she heard his groan of appreciation.  Kari melted into him willingly when she felt his hand slip under her back pulling her toward him while his other hand gently caressed down the side of her body.  She responded immediately moving her hand around to meet the warm flesh of his bare chest and the steady beat of his heart.  Then slowly she slided her hand back up and around his shoulders, pulling herself closer to him.  Kari could feel his warm breath caress the side of her cheek right before his soft lips gently brushed her temple.  Then lovingly and so slowly his lips moved down the side of her face toward her neck.  His warm breath sending shivers down her spine.  Once at her neck he took his time before he lowered her back onto the bed.  His hand slipped lower to cup her rear firmly while moving the other hand behind her head allowing his mouth better access to sweetly claim hers as he slid on top of her.  His motions were slow and thorough which made Kari ache even more to have his hands, and everything else.  

The ghostly Kari hovered somewhere above all of it watching the dream Kari locked into a time of love and happiness that could never happen again.  So the ghostly Kari fought to open her eyes, to wake up before everything good changed just like it always did.  If the dream just stayed there, in that moment, with them close, warmed by each other and happy, she would sleep forever, but it never did.  It was that time in the dream when all that was good was stolen from her in a blink of any eye.

As if some cruel and wicked demon had control of her sleep, she was now forever locked in this dream that would momentarily morph into a nightmare. Just as suddenly as the dream had started it switched to the nightmare she remembered. Oddly out of body she now watched herself standing in the hospital where she worked, in the ICU.  Before her she could see Trevor laying in the hospital bed, bruised and bandaged, with so many tubes going in and out of him it was hard to tell which one was for what or how it was helping.  In her heart she knew it wasn't.  His head and face were bandaged to the point that it was hard to identify if who was in the bed, but she knew, she knew.  The sound of the respirator, as it breathed for him, made her choke back her tears.

Kari was jolted out of the dream and wide awake by the loud chirp from the alarm clock on the nightstand next to the bed.  Her hand came out from under the covers and slapped at the alarm until it stopped as her other hand wiped at the tears that had fallen on her cheeks.  It shouldn’t hurt this much anymore.  After all it had been more than a year and a half.   Did she really have more tears she could shed? Her hand slipped back under the covers and she pulled the blanket up around her neck as if it were going to protect her from all the problems that had thrown her life into a tailspin.  But nothing could have protected Kari from those realities and as the snooze alarm blared at her once more she was reminded that starting each day was a challenge, had been a challenge ever since he had died.  Compared to a year ago though, starting the day was slowly getting easier, not always better, but easier.  

Kari threw the comforter and sheets from on top of her into a large pile onto what used to be his side of the bed.  Sighing she pulled herself from the bed.  Whether or not she was ready to meet this day's challenge she no longer had a choice.  She went into the bathroom that was only a short three steps from her side of the bed.  She had come here to make a new start, jump start her life so to speak and that was what she was going to do today. The old adage that today was the first day of the rest of her life would be her motto from now on, after all who better to know that each day was precious.  

She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.  Nothing new, wild hair, dark circles, tear stains, and memories she wished she could be rid of.  Running a comb through her hair she tried to make the blond mop lay down a bit and then gave up.  Reaching into the shower she turned on the hot water and waited.  She didn’t cry anymore, at least not when she was awake, when she got up there were only a few stray tears from the dream that graced her cheek and landed on her pillow.  Rubbing her arms as she waited for the water to get hot she realized that not wanting to hide from the world was at least a step up from where she was only six months ago.  Noticing the steam she climbed into the shower.  Letting the water rush over her, she made the wish she had made so many times before, that warm water would wash the dream from her head and trying not to cry as she did it.  

An hour later she was dressed in tan slacks and a blue sweater.  The color of the sweater highlighted her eyes and even though she had chosen that color for just that reason, it rarely crossed her mind now.  She routinely put on her make-up now not for anyone or any reason but because it was what she was supposed to do.  Kari no longer thought it was strange at how she avoided eye contact with herself in the mirror as she put on her mascara.  Not sure who or what she had become, she was more afraid of the pain that she knew was there and the dream that had caused it.  Pulling her hair into a very utilitarian ponytail she used a scrunchy that was the same color as her sweater to secure it.  Making a cursory swipe of lipstick across her lips it added enough color that she declared herself done and walked out of the bathroom.  

Coming This Summer

Novel by the numbers:

Broken Souls ... By Annay Dawson

Kari had a perfect life, a loving fiancée, good job, until one day his sudden death robbed her of that neatly planned future.Trying to restart her life she moved to New Field. She didn’t know how to move past the tragedy .  She never thought that a handsome, half naked man swimming in the cold pond would be the one to help her find her way. Holden had come to New Field to run away from his life.  Not knowing what he wanted he was surprised to discover it might be her. Poignant and heartfelt, Picking Up The Pieces celebrates the trials and joys of life as well as the promises of second chances.


Coming June 1st!

Summer Serialized Novel

Coming This Summer

Novel by the numbers: 

Broken Souls ... by Annay Dawson

Watch for my new novel this summer. On June 1st I will post the first of many chapters on my blog. Feel free to comment, predict, and even add to the chapters in the comments section as they go up. By the end of summer the entire book will be up on my blog.
So excited to see what happens!

First chapter will be up by June 1st. Mark your calendars!