Round Robin Story

I apologize, it's been a while since I posted. For those of you waiting, here's the next bit of the story:

About six months earlier, his parents had died in a car accident and he'd taken over the ranch at the young age of twenty-five. Emily expected he'd always wanted to ranch, but never had a chance to ask him back then. For the two weeks she'd stayed with Uncle Nate he worked from dawn to dusk and each evening they'd check in with him, a glass of water, and some small talk. From what her Uncle told her he made a pretty good go of that ranch. Luke hadn't taken his eyes off of the ranch six years ago and the way he looked right now, he still worked too hard at it. What time he could spare, he helped Uncle Nate out in his garden.

"Thanks," at the sound of her voice he momentarily froze and each muscle tensed. He then reflexively turned and grabbed for his clothes. As he tried desperately to cover himself he nearly fell over on that near-perfect posterior. She stifled a giggle, "Don't get dressed just for me," and nearly lost the battle, "Uncle Nate just made a pot of coffee, you want a cup?" He stopped and stared at her as he held the pile of wet clothes in front of his manhood. 

"Well I'll be," and he stood up a bit straighter taking his free hand to try and tame his wild main and shield his eyes, "Emmy, is that you?" The last time he'd seen her she'd looked different, way too young. Today she looked, well, all grown up. She wore a simple pair of dark leggings and a sky blue tank top with a hot pink sports bra on underneath. Her entire outfit spoke volumes about her level of fitness and left very little to his imagination making him thankful for the pile of cold, wet cloths. 

"Yes. Good to," she smiled, "see you," and she toasted him with her coffee cup, "again."

"Mind?" and he motioned with his finger for her to turn around. His half-smile and slight blush triggered something deep inside her.

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Chapter 4 - Part 1

4

Jan had gotten dressed long before the sun had come up and Ward had packed the Explorer quickly as neither one needed very much, just the one packed bag each. Ward needed to get across the border before changing his identity. He had packed a couple items he would need for his role change. It fit into a small bag, no bigger than the small bag that they had always carried for the jobs they used to work on. The idea of the small bag had been both a habit and a necessity when working with the department. It would be less to lose on an assignment if it were left behind, expendable. Important items needed to be kept on the body, or in relative safety, and anything that was needed for daily routines usually could be gotten wherever a person was. It also made an agent more portable getting through airports and across borders, as well as quick.
Jan walked over to the window in the bedroom that overlooked the ocean and opened the curtain to see the last rays from the moon bounce off the ocean in the distance. Looking out to the deepest depths of the ocean she wondered where the dolphins were at this moment. Closing her eyes she made a silent wish, a prayer that they would both return here safely and quickly. Not something she normally did, but now was as good a time as any to start a new superstition. Ward walked out of the room without saying anything. Jan turned and followed Ward out the door and out of the apartment.
They got to the top of the stairs, crossed the patio, and out the ancient gates, the Explorer sat waiting. They got in and closed the doors without saying a word, both mentally preparing for the job ahead of them. As they drove away from the relative safety of their hideaway, Ward popped a CD into the player. It was soft and eerie music that seemed to fill every corner of the vehicle. It was the CD Ward played when he needed to reach a level of calm and consciousness that seemed to be beyond his ability at the time. The sound of the Native American flute filled every crevice of the vehicle, calming and soothing their nerves, as it worked its way into their very beings as well. Jan was unsure of what problem he was grappling with; and decided that waiting until he was ready to discuss it with her would be the prudent move. Letting the music again fill every spot in her brain she nonchalantly placed her hand on his leg to reassure him of her presence as they drove. She could feel Ward’s muscles begin to relax in response to her touch, and she could feel some of his tension fall away.

When the first two songs had faded to the back of their memories and the third was about to begin, Ward turned off the CD and glanced over to see if Jan was still awake. Jan, without turning her face toward him, opened her mind to let him know that whatever the topic may be, she was willing to discuss it with him. At first they didn’t talk, at least not out loud. He started to slowly share his thoughts with her, mentally letting his mind wander into hers, and hers back into his. There were fears. Crossing the border illegally at any time would be dangerous, but there was an added danger for both Ward and Jan every time they crossed. They now had to be careful every time they crossed the borders. Ward had made it easier to cross with the casual friendship he had achieved with one group of border patrol officers. His fears for Jan were different. Crossing illegally left a few more items to chance. They had planned and emotionally prepared for their identity changes and for the dangers they would both face, except for one. Jan had half prepared for it, but the danger still existed and there was no way to make it all better. Who they were and what they had done in the past had always been dangerous. The criminal elements were never nice, but there was now an added group of people actively looking for them, always looking for them, and it wasn’t only the criminals that they had to be careful of, it was also the department. This was what was truly worrying Ward. One slip could cause the entire operation to fail, and their lives to be ruined.

“Don’t get caught crossing the border. If they get your prints I
don’t have to tell you what will happen next. Gregg and the guys will get to you before immigration can even walk you back to the bus for Mexico,” his voice a lackluster tone as he referred to the current department head of the PED, and his previous partner. “He won’t ever give up, not until he gets both of us now.” Ward would know better than anyone else what would be in Gregg’s head. Over all the years that she had known him, he had never shared why they had split up as partners. It was unusual to request a change, but not unheard of. Ever since then, though, Gregg had been almost out to get Ward, catch him on anything he did wrong. He had even tried to get Jan to lure him back to the department in exchange for her freedom and future at one time.

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Hidden Promises - Chapter 3 - Part 3

Ward had discussed his plans with Eddy and arranged a meeting place back in Phoenix. Running down the list of what they would need, Ward checked that Eddy would be able to handle a change of clothes, and even a change of cars. Eddy assured him that he would have no problem with either. Ward also let Eddy know whom he would need to contact for him before he got back into Phoenix. Those people existed on both sides of the law. Last, Ward asked Eddy to arrange a place for him to stay for a night or two, explaining that the apartment he had for emergencies was no longer available. Ward refused to stay with Eddy, knowing that it would put him at a higher risk than either one of them were willing to take. If for some reason his place was watched, or checked on, Ward would be a risk, and not a good one.

There were positives. He would not have to dodge the department anymore to meet up with Jan. They would both have to avoid contact with anyone who would inform the assistant director of their whereabouts. Neither one of them wanted to be invited for a lengthy stay at the department by the assistant director because there would be no way to ever leave. In one way it would be easier, in another, there was now no one in the department to run cover for them anymore. Ward thought for a moment, maybe he still would for Jan’s sake? Things had changed when Jan had left and maybe not so much for the good. With this feeling still on the fringes of his mind, Jan had walked into the apartment. He handed her the papers that he had made notes on, and left the room to be alone with his thoughts.

Jan watched him walk away, and didn’t question him. Looking down at the papers she saw all the information that she would need, the names of the missing women, their ages, the dates they were at or near the boarder, where they crossed, and where they might have met the coyote they used. The name of the coyote that had been used by the people already in the US had not been included in the information. They were probably trying to protect them. Then she read the information she needed most, the descriptions of the missing women. Strange thing was that the age of the women didn’t seem to matter much. One of the missing was only sixteen, one was twenty-five, and one was even in her early thirties. There seemed to be nothing in common except the fact that they all crossed from the same place or at least that was what their families had assumed. The only conclusion that Jan could make was that whoever was making these women disappear wasn’t picky about the age of the person he took, just the looks. This would help her out. Even though she wasn’t bad looking, in fact she was good looking, toned, and evenly tanned, but she was no where near the age of sixteen anymore, and was definitely looking at thirty in the rear view mirror age wise. She would be able to look the part of a twenty year old, but there would an added advantage if they weren’t picky.

The next page contained all the information that Ward had gathered for himself, and who he needed to contact. He had made an assumption as to why these women disappeared. From that, he planned where he was going to start his part of the mission. Most of the information he had collected led in one direction, and it wasn’t a direction that either one of them liked. All the information that Ward had gathered was written straightforward, in list form, without any emotion, and in a style very familiar to Jan. Jan was glad to see that he still used the same format that they had polished between them over the years. This would make working together easier as she would know just what to expect, and how to read through it efficiently.

While Jan would be busy gathering the information that she would need to hopefully locate both the missing people and the coyote, Ward would be investigating the other side of the coin, or what they feared was the other side of the coin. As they both were well aware of, most of the illegals, and even American nationals that were missing women didn’t have a happy life. They had been treated more like slaves and less than human, they could only hope they would be able to find them before it was too late. Assuming that they were still alive, that would be their goal. The only way to know for sure was for Jan to illegally cross the border, and Ward to approach this investigation from the marketing side as the leads steadily grew colder and colder. Ward had made a list of people to see, on both sides of the law, in the Phoenix area. The list was gotten from the files of Border Patrol, the CIA, and the FBI. Some of the names on the list she recognized from other times and crimes when both she and Ward had been with the PED department. Some of these people had been watched for many years. Almost every department, at one time or another had some kind of records on most of these people. The only thing that they had not been able to do yet was to bring them to trial for anything but minor offenses. They had been put on a list of other probable crimes, such as drugs and weapons running, but to Jan’s surprise, nothing had ever transpired. These were the people that would be the most knowledgeable about new comers in the field and the most arrogant, as they had never been caught or burned by any department. They may also be the most helpful with information in order to preserve their territory.

Ward also listed, when possible, the people he knew who worked for each of these organizations. By knowing some of the names, it would make getting into or dealing with the organizations that much easier. This is the side of life he would try to infiltrate hoping to pick up any leads about the missing women. At this point, Jan was unsure of whether he would pose as a middleman, or a new player. Most likely it would just be a quick decision he would make when standing in front of someone depending on what he could pick up from reading the minds around him. His way in was not going to be as clear as Jan’s. Neither role was without danger, and neither one of them dwelled on that fact.

Jan’s goal on this mission would be to put at least a couple of these groups out of the business of selling women, and catch the coyotes as well. Keep the goal in mind she thought, no matter what else they discovered. Faceless people with no advocate, migrant workers who only supported the economy of the US, and they were their only hope right now. They needed to return all three of these people to their families, whether or not they were legal residents of the United States they were part of the human race and had basic rights. They, at the very least, needed to find out what happened to them. In the best of circumstances, they would be able to do it all. Jan didn’t want to dwell on what the worst could be. She had never dwelled on it before and now was not a good time to start.

Ward had been listening in on her thoughts undetected from the other room for the last five minutes, and he could tell that Jan had finished digesting the information on the paper. Ward had also come to some conclusions himself that he was not prepared to share. He came back into the room quietly. At first no words passed between them, only random thoughts, feelings, and a few fears. Each knew the risks that were involved in this puzzle. If they were honest with each other, they would have to admit too that they were each more worried about the other than themselves. They stared at each other, still no words passing their lips, and now no thoughts being shared. There was nothing else to share; it was like old times, and the beginning of brand new times. There was no safety net on this one, no one for backup besides each other and any one in Ward’s network. Ward was the first to move and he walked into the kitchen. A moment later he came back out and handed her a cold cola from the fridge. He gave her a peck on the cheek and Jan took the cola and smiled back at the man she had loved from the time they had met. It was funny, but they were finally at peace with the decisions they had made and with that unspoken understanding. Jan broke the silence.

“Nice work,” she held the papers up. It broke the ice, and that is all she wanted to do.

“Still think this type of work is for you,” Ward walked over and sat down in the overstuffed chair looking out to the ocean. As he leaned back, he casually crossed his legs. He took a sip of cola, looked back smiling at Jan, and waited for the answer he knew was coming. She walked over to the corner of the couch closest to the chair and sat down, propping her legs up on his.

“Were we ever meant to live any other way?” She let his smile spread to her lips. Both sat and finished off their colas without finishing off the conversation. Staying in the moment they just looked toward each other, sharing nothing but raw feeling. Slowly the thoughts changed over to the problem at hand. They sat letting their plans formulate in their minds separately. Slowly their minds started to wander together again and in an easy exchange of information each knew everything the other had planned. Reading minds took energy, but they had found that reading each other never did. Still, they didn’t move for about half an hour and they didn’t talk. It wasn’t until Ward took out a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to her that the verbal conversation began again. Jan read it. It contained one name, number, code and address on it. He watched her read the paper as Jan’s one eyebrow raised. She had a look of amusement on her face when she stopped reading and had digested the information.

She had always known that Ward must have had contacts within the departments, but this one was special, different. As the question began to formulate in her head, Ward answered it before she could even voice the question.

“He’s one of my contacts in Phoenix. He’s still in touch with the agency, and he will pass any information on to the appropriate departments without any questions if he knows you’re with me. He never believed that I went bad and still trusts my judgment. His information base is large enough as you can see, so he just doesn’t let the authorities know the information is from me,” Jan read the address again. It was an interesting cover. Not unexpected, but interesting. Memorizing the address, code name, and given name she handed the paper back to Ward and he continued the conversation, “You won’t have a phone. Nor can you count on keeping hold of any of the money probably, and Eddy may be busy with me. I also make it a policy to never stay with Eddy. He doesn’t need that kind of trouble. If you need to contact someone, he’s a trustworthy contact. He can make calls to any of the people you may need, and have the bad guys picked up. And, if you need, he will put you up for a few days. He will also know how to get a hold of me. Just give him my code name, and he is familiar with yours as well.”

“Does he light up the bat signal, send up flares,” Jan could hardly contain the teasing sound in her voice as the next set of words came out, “or is it your superhuman hearing that he relies on?”

“I prefer the red phone,” his mouth twitched up at the corners as he answered. He grabbed at her legs as she pulled them away playfully.


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Hidden Promises - Chapter 3 - Part 2

It wasn’t easy for them to work together. There were now two leaders with no one to hand them their orders. Jan noticed that it had been a while since Ward had coordinated with others or equals. He was definitely used to running the show. Many times, Jan needed to remind him that she was also capable of making choices, not just taking orders, as to how they were going to gather information, roles they would play and in what directions the investigation was going to go. In the end, after their roles were set, they planned most of what they were each going to doing separately; only occasionally checking with the other to make sure their plans would mesh together. It seemed an amiable relationship, and as they picked at each other’s minds during the process, both consciously and unconsciously, they were able to keep the goal in mind, as well as keep the plan on the same track.

After they finished the planning stage, and the job was recorded on paper, it was clear that Jan would be in need of a completely different wardrobe. Ward looked her over and decided the tan that she had gotten would help. They looked at each other, and Jan knew that the best person to help her shop would not be Ward, but on the other hand, she did know who to call on for the stylistic flare she would need. Ward nodded at her and she left the table without a word. They both knew where she was headed.

Jan didn’t fancy the idea of who she was about to talk to, or have to get by. Jan left the apartment by the patio entrance that hid them from the rest of the world. Knocking on the Garcia’s door the person she least wanted to answer the door did, Mama Garcia. Most of the time Jan was always happy to spend a few moments talking with her even if the same question would always come up, “When are we going to see some little ninos?” In her fluent Spanish Jan would always say they were not ready for them yet. She didn’t say that they would probably never be ready for them. As always, Mama Garcia would just ‘tsk’ and shake her head at Jan. This discussion was just not in her plans right now. Mama Garcia envisioned a house full of babies and more on the way. Somehow, they were not looking through the same glasses. Mama Garcia would have liked them to settle down, to stop all this nonsense. Without really knowing who they were, she would never completely understand why they could never stop what they did, and did so well. It was a programming that could never be undone, now, or ever.

“Is Manuel around?” Jan spoke fluent Spanish and sounded like a native. She had always been good with languages. Being able to pick up on the subtle nuances of a language by reading other people’s minds had always just polished off the edges, and made her sound like a local. Mama Garcia gave her an inquisitive look.

“Porque?” why, there it was, the question she wanted to avoid. There was plenty going on in her head, and most of which Jan picked up on whether or not she wanted to.

“I need to discuss where I might find some specific items to buy,” Mama Garcia was about to ask another question, and then realizing she already knew the answer she just turned to leave. Jan noticed that as she turned, her shoulders drooped just a bit more, and for a moment Jan did wish she could be the person Mama Garcia would want her to be. But as quick as the moment came, it left.

When Manuel entered the small living area, Jan waved for him to come outside, knowing that the conversation was about to take a turn that Mama wouldn’t like or approve of. It would be better, easier on all, if her ears never heard it.

“Manuel,” she spoke in English to him just incase there was anyone close by listening in, she didn’t want to make it too easy for Mama to hear and understand, “I’m in need of some clothing that would make me look more like a native. To be a bit clearer; a native that is about to illegally cross the boarder.”

“Why?” it was an honest and question, “You are an American, you can go across any time you want. Even Ward does it and he is wanted. Planning something?”

“Yes. Now, where can I get some clothes?” she wanted to bring him back to the topic and away from the job. Manuel just gave her a look. Manuel was not a person that could be of much help to them, only cover if necessary. It had been Manuel that Ward had had to save ages ago, and at times he was too eager to try and return the favor. She knew that Ward had also promised the Garcias that Manuel would always be safe from the trouble he was in, and this is why they took such good care of the place for them. It was also one reason that it was easy for them to stay quiet about the location of the apartment, they didn’t want Manuel ever put in danger, and they knew that Ward lived in a constant state of danger when he was away from this place. Right now though, all Jan wanted was the clothes she would need to complete her transformation.

“It will be hard, you don’t look Mexican,” Manuel folded his arms and looked her up and down quickly, and then again slowly. He wasn’t totally being honest.

“I’ll deal with that later. Will you help me with the clothes or not?” she just needed him to give her a location of a shop, but she could see that it wouldn’t be that easy as the next question came from him.

“I will go. What size?” Jan decided not to fight it. It would save her time.

“Eight or small, and make sure they are realistic. A small old bag as well to pack in, one with a wide strap if possible,” she waited until he met her glance again, “By the way, the sooner the better. Can you have them to me by tonight?”

“Do you need them to be from any particular region of Mexico, or other Central American country?” Jan shook her head no. The only thing she thought would really be important on this job was that she was female, “Then I can have it here by tonight.”

“Thanks, I’ll be by later to get them,” Jan turned to leave then stopped. Turning back toward Manuel she asked, “Wait, can you drop them by so your mother won’t worry?”

“I understand. Yes. You are planning on crossing the border illegally? It is dangerous,” Manuel was still looking at her, this time with just a hint of concern in his mind. Jan smiled, letting his concern for her touch her heart.

“That’s what I’m counting on,” and Jan, turning, went back through the patio gates. This time as she walked through the beautiful garden patio back to the apartment, she hardly noticed the beauty around her. She was busy thinking about just how she was going to pull off the rest of the costume. She felt alive again. There was an excitement she felt when she thought of working again, and as she bounced back into the living room of the apartment her thoughts were interrupted.

While she had been up talking with Manuel, Ward had been talking to Eddy. It had been a conversation that left him just a bit unsettled, and Jan picked up on this. Eddy had given the information they had wanted and more to Ward. His conversation had been a good one with the day laborers that were missing relatives. It hadn’t been the first time that people had gone missing, but like Eddy had said, and they had known, the other leads were too cold. The migrants had known it when they had told him stories of their relatives that had disappeared, so he had left the other information out. Mostly it was about people who had never wanted to meet up with them really. What they needed to focus on were the ones that they knew were missing for other reasons than ones of their own.

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Hidden Promises - Chapter 3 - Part 1

3

It wasn’t until the next morning that either Ward or Jan got back to the computer. Without any thought, Jan opened Ward’s e-mail account as he finished up in the shower. When the program finally opened, a letter popped up on the screen. There, in front of her, was a note from Eddy.

“Glad to see that you two have decided to join the world again,” as she read down the note she could almost hear Eddy saying it. “Got a bunch of good descriptions, information and even some names. Give me a buzz and I’ll let you know the details.” Jan closed the e-mail before Ward could enter the room and she walked into the kitchen to fix a quick breakfast. This news would be better on a full stomach she decided. Hearing Ward come out of the bedroom, she called him over to eat breakfast before he got a chance to read the new e-mail. Ward sat down at the table and picked up the spoon. When he saw that she had boiled eggs and made toast he knew that something must be up. Jan never did anything more than toast for breakfast, or something that might resemble it, when she made breakfast. Although when he cooked she was always happy to finish off eggs, bacon and any other fixings that might come with it, if he made it for her. He gave her a knowing smile. Letting her stew a moment, he began to eat.

“Eddy e-mailed. Sounds as if he has what we need to get started,” she took a breath and looked at him. “Ward, we’re taking the job,” her voice held an air of confidence. Ward continued to eat and didn’t look her way. “Did you hear me?” she had expected some kind of reaction and when none came she was surprised.

“Yes, and okay,” Jan looked at him confused and Ward finally stopped eating and looked back at her, “I always knew you would want to, you’re just like me, but you had to know that yourself. You had to have the choice. You see it took me a few months away from the job to want to go back and then nothing could stop me. I figured you wouldn’t be any different; just wanted to give you and us, the time first,” he continued with breakfast. “I also had to be sure that’s what you really wanted,” Jan made a face he didn’t see and took a sip of coffee, choosing not to respond to the last comment he made.

“Eddy wants you to buzz him to get the information. Now we just have to plan out the details before starting,” it was routine procedure, and that’s one thing Jan knew would never change. There was a plan, always a plan A and B. The plan was there for safety, for routine and for each other. It was the routine paperwork and research that made all jobs safer.

After breakfast they sat at the table with paper and pencil determining their roles and options for this job. As the plan began to develop, Ward could have told Jan that he wasn’t happy with the risks she would need to take; but the risks on any job like this usually never changed. They had always taken risks and that was one of the many hazards of what they did. It was also what they liked to do, and they had the best training. And after all, she was probably not going to be too pleased with the risk he was going to take either. Both being in the same emotional boat made it easier, as well as more difficult, but they tried only to focus on the job, not each other. Jan realized that she had never asked Ward the most important questions before she had decided to join him on his, and now her crusades. She had only just assumed the answers. Being on the other side herself now, it was time to find out the answers. She had to wonder just how they would get justice for those who had been wronged? Who did he call? Just how did he do all of this?

“What do you do after you find and catch the bad guys?” Jan rested her elbows on the table, folded her hands and rested her chin on them. She tried to look casual. His left eyebrow raised a little as he raised his head to look at her straight in the eye.

“What do you think I do?” he had issued her a challenge. Looking at her sarcastically, he awaited her answer. Jan looked back into the eyes of the man that she thought she knew.

“Well, I would hope you find some way of turning them, or the information, in to the correct authorities,” Jan was beginning to feel a bit uneasy as she tapped into his thoughts, not sure of what she might find there. Knowing that it might not be the answer she would want to find, she stopped and waited.

“I’d like to tell you that every job ends up with the bad guy in jail, but you know differently even from your past experiences with the department,” he let her into his thoughts now, sharing their past experiences, and then just his past jobs after the department. “Most of the time it works out the way everyone would hope. I can get local authorities, or friends to help out. But there are those times when the goal is the most important thing to keep in mind and the bad guys go free.” Jan could feel his pain from those experiences that had not worked out the way he planned. She didn’t miss the clouded thought in the back of his mind that her last assignment in the department had been one of the ones that had caused him pain. Knowing that, she decided to let it go and get out of his thoughts for now. As always, the mission was what was important. Determine the goal and plan the mission; the rest of what happened was, of course, the icing on the cake or the fly in the soup. Some things in their lives had changed though; now they decided the goal and what was important. This case was promising to be as big as some jobs they had worked in the past, not the biggest, but substantial. No one in the official world would take it on yet, not without some more proof or people who could fight for their right to be heard. Ward had watched her face and her thoughts, as all the worlds collided in her head, and the crystallization of who they were now, became clear in her thoughts. Ward smiled as he saw the realization dawn in her mind and in her face that they were the vigilantes, the ones who fought for those who had no one to turn to. They returned to planning out the mission with a renewed sense of vigor.

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Hidden Promises - Chapter 1 - Part 2

Jan ran along beside Ward and started to wonder if they would ever work again. She questioned if he could make the jump from protecting her, back into working with her. Jan had not tried to discover how any of his jobs were presented to him. She was pretty sure that his network of friends, or associates, was fairly vast. She was also quite sure that only important jobs were presented to him. These were people in great need, with no one else to turn to, but he had chosen to stay hidden away for a lot longer than he had ever done before all because of her.

All of a sudden Jan could feel a gentle tug at her thoughts and knew that Ward had started to look in on what she was thinking. She didn’t try to hide her thoughts. She watched his pace increase as he realized, from her thoughts, what was coming next. She had a bunch of questions; ones he didn’t want to answer, ones he wasn’t going to answer yet. Jan kept up pace with him as he started to pull away from her. They ran, slowly increasing the pace for another five minutes, before Jan finally said something.

“You can’t run away from this, from me,” Jan was keeping up with him and not even winded yet.

“I’m not running away from anything,” Ward calmly stated as he continued to increase the pace.

“I know you read my mind, saw my questions,” Jan took a breath, “We need to talk.”

“No good conversation ever started with those words,” and Ward increased his pace to a full run leaving her behind.

“You can fly, but not that high Eagle,” she yelled from behind. Eagle had been his code name from the department. She followed in short order, this time mad as hell.

With one burst of speed, she caught up with him and leapt out tackling him from behind. They rolled a couple times on the beach then came to an abrupt stop. Jan was on top, effectively pinning him down, his hands above his head. Ward stared into her eyes for a moment about to say something, and then said nothing. Jan stared intently into his eyes.

“We need to talk,” Jan stated again, with a firm hold on Ward.

“So I would guess,” Ward lay motionless on the sand, not trying to get up, yet every muscle tense, readied.

“When was the last time you meditated?” Jan stayed on top.

“A few days ago, why?” Ward was surprised by this first question but stayed nonchalant.

“For the last week I haven’t been able to meditate even though I have tried,” she looked into his eyes, “Want to tell me why?”

“I have a feeling I won’t have to. You’re going to tell me,” he said with a smug look on his face.

“Alright. You keep turning down jobs, and it’s because of me,” Jan relaxed her right arm for a second. That was all it took. Taking advantage of that split second, Ward was on top of Jan before she had time to stop him.

“You’re arrogant, you’re right, and you’re gorgeous when you’re mad. I have turned down jobs, but that was when we were both still recovering,” Ward shifted on top of her to get a better hold. Jan knew part of what he said was true, but not all. He had just got a job in the other day that was weighing heavy on his mind, and she had the feeling he was about to turn it down as well.

“Have you forgotten? I can read your mind just as easily. What about the job you’ve just gotten in?” Ward’s face hardened only for a split second before softening again. If Jan had not been watching carefully she would have missed it. His grip relaxed, but Jan didn’t take advantage of it.

“How did you know about that?” he asked calmly, as his mind betrayed the conflict within.

“It’s been on your mind a lot lately, and I just happened to pick up on it a few days ago as it floated through the air. What’s it about?” Her voice softened to encourage him to open up to her, the way they used to before she nearly died.

He had known they needed to set these boundaries if they were ever going to work together. Before now, whenever they had worked together it had been by orders, never by choice. Ward looked into her eyes, and then let his anger sail away on the next wave that traveled back out to the ocean. Ward rolled off her and lay quietly beside her on the warm sand of the beach. They stared up at the blue sky and wispy clouds.

Jan wasn’t going to rush him. If he told her now, or in twenty minutes, it wouldn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was that he told her. This step would bring them even closer and she could tell that as she lay quietly beside him.

‘Eddy e-mailed the other day,’ he chose to let her read his thoughts so that if anyone was around they couldn’t be overheard. ‘Thought I might be interested in this job since no one else is doing anything about it. Seems like there are a group of coyotes that have found a new way of increasing their profits. After taking their fee to get the people across, these coyotes just make these people disappear, all of them women, and no one knows where they are going. Usually, in the past, the relatives would get ransom notes while they are held in a drop house, but they aren’t getting any of those from the coyotes either. This is what has made some people nervous. There are usually bunches of people that go missing. Not too unusual as the people who crossover illegally would rather not be found by immigration.

‘The underground network usually connects the families sooner or later, but a few of the relatives that have talked with Eddy say that they haven’t heard from them since before they crossed the border. They are sure something has gone horribly wrong. They are hoping someone can find their family members that are missing, but it is difficult, as they have no one they can turn to for help. They can’t go to the officials for fear of getting sent back and then they would be in an even worse situation than they are now. This group of illegals are pretty scared as a whole and even more so with what has happened,’ now Jan knew why they weren’t meditating. It was a pretty heavy case to say no to. It would mean saying no not just to this group, but also to Eddy. Not something that Ward would do.

Hidden Promises - Chapter 1 - Part 1

Just a side note: I have had a very busy few weeks with very unexpected happenings so I am sorry this is so late in getting up.

1

        

She sat on a rocky outcrop out in the mist of the ocean waves and waited. Maybe that wasn’t the right word. It was the third day that week she had sat in the same place, at the same time, and was unable to meditate. Her ability to meditate had once saved her. The warmth of the sun on her face, the mist from the waves that cooled her and the steady beat of the waves on the rocks should have seduced her into a deep meditative state, but she felt nothing.

This had become her favorite spot over the last six months, but not anymore, and it was way past frustrating. She looked for a loose rock or shell to throw. Not seeing anything, she realized that she must have pitched them all off earlier this week. Turning, she looked back up the cliff and into the windows of the apartment that she shared with Ward. Low and behold there he was, on the balcony, and she realized that the source of her current problems originated with him. He didn’t look down as Jan stared up at him, and he didn’t smile. She couldn’t quite read his mind, but she was sure he was reading hers. His range was greater.

‘Damn you,’ she thought as she unfolded her legs and slid down into the cool waves. Determinedly, she walked back through the surf, the waves pushing her back to shore. Jan marched towards the steps. It had been more than five months now since they had been on an assignment, any assignment. In fact, the last assignment they had worked on had freed her from the department that Ward had left over two years before. Leaving the department wasn’t the plan, but as the events unfolded she saw an unfavorable pattern playing out before her.

It was that bureaucracy she learned she couldn’t live with any more. Ward, her husband and true champion, had been caught in the department’s web. Even though he had warned her, she allowed herself to become entangled in it as well. They both ended up leaving the department for the same reasons. She was no longer a mindless peon following orders ready to believe what they told her. The last assignment had almost cost both of them their lives.

The Paranormal Enforcement Department, or ‘PED’ for short, had identified and cultivated them both as mind readers in college. It had started out as an experiment by the CIA in the sixties, long before they were commissioned. Although all experiments had supposedly been stopped for lack of results, they hadn’t. The PED had gone underground and taken on a life of its own. They were sure the department would go on for a long time.

The sad thing was that by joining the PED, they literally had given up their life, all aspects of it. Agents inside the department were removed from regular society, forever belonging to the department. After unofficially leaving, Jan and Ward could never go back to who they were, or live normally without the department looking at them like human guinea pigs. Until six months ago, Ward had been the only agent to live outside of their control. Instead, Ward and Jan had chosen to live life as hunted people. Their only crime was in wanting a life.

Now, fully recovered from the injuries that assignment had brought both of them, Jan knew she was ready, itching, to get back to work, and back into life. Although Ward had not talked about it to her, she knew that he had turned down three assignments over the last few months. Once Ward had left the department, he had set up shop for himself. Picking his assignments based on need and not always on payment. Sometimes they paid him; sometimes the results were pay enough. What she found out was that most of the time he took no pay.

Somewhere out there, there were three people that wouldn’t get his help because he had said no, because of her. The people he chose to help sometimes existed only on the edge of society, with no other advocate to come to their aide; he was their last hope, their only hope. This was the part of the career change that intrigued Jan and finally drew her in.

She walked up the beach deep in thought. Jan knew that Ward had received another request three days ago. She wasn’t sure, but from what she had picked incidentally from his thoughts, she knew the request had come from Eddy and he hadn’t replied. Putting all the pieces together, it was no wonder that she could no longer meditate, and she wondered if he could.

Each time Jan had tried all she could see were faceless people still looking for someone to help, and what had they been doing the last few months? They sat here, hidden, doing nothing, safe from the world. Jan’s thoughts twisted around to Ward, and what she hadn’t been able to read. Was he afraid to lose her? Six months ago he almost had. What he needed to remember was that she had almost lost him as well. And how many other times had she nearly lost him without even knowing it? The thoughts darted through her mind, as she got closer to the cement stairs that wound their way up the cliff’s side to their patio. What Jan needed to explain to Ward, was that he was at risk of losing her again, but this time from stifling her. She needed to do what she did best, and so did he.

Focused and intent on what she was about to do, she had almost gotten back to the steps when she heard Ward move through the foliage. Stopping, she read his mind, ‘Running,’ and knew what was coming next. Jan looked at the gap in the brush just as Ward walked through. Ward was about six feet tall, toned, proportionally perfect, and nicely muscled. Jan never got tired of looking at him, he was easy on the eyes, and with the time they had spent in Mexico, at their beach hideaway, he had become evenly bronzed as well. It wasn’t his body she was tired of skirmishing with it was his mind.

He walked over to her and gently kissed her on the cheek. He knew there was a problem, and when she didn’t reciprocate he read just enough of her thoughts to see what was coming next. He also read enough to avoid it.

‘Ready to go for a run?’ He silently asked as he completely avoided the issue. He had read that she had not meditated for the past week and the reasons why she suspected she hadn’t. He had also not meditated for the last week, and his conscious was also bothering him, for the very same reasons. He had read everything in her mind and she didn’t know how close she really was to the truth. Soon she would though. Ward knew he couldn’t stray from his plan, no matter how much he wanted to. He had to be sure, very sure, before they took the next step. Ward left the subject alone for long enough, afraid that he would have to deal with the consequences of his actions, his conscious, as well as hers. It hadn’t been the right time until now.

“Okay,” and that was all Jan had to say. They went off down the beach at a steady pace for about ten minutes. The talent Jan and Ward shared, one that had been developed, used and abused by the government, was strangely not in use.

Jan and Ward had been empathetically sensitive all their lives. The government had harvested them, as well as others, in college to train them to become exceptional mind readers. Some had made it, others had not. Jan and Ward were now sure that the ones who had not made it into the department might have been the lucky ones.

Now, the tables were turned. They were the ones who were on the run from the government and society. They could live in neither and were needed in both. Today they ran for exercise and away from the people they had once been. And on this run, unlike the others they had taken on many other days, they chose not to share words or thoughts. They were avoiding the obvious, for the last five or so months they had been on the run from everything and everyone, even themselves. They couldn’t run from themselves much longer.

Shadows of the Past - Part 10

The voice was not so much familiar as the feelings it evoked. Jan had a sense of true warmth and caring from the touch and the intonations in his voice. The hand resting on her head only added to the pleasure, yet she wasn’t sure she could place any of it, or why she felt that way. At best she could only remember snippets of her life right now, and somehow this person didn’t seem to be a part of those snippets. It seemed that she had only lived in the shadows, and somehow either gotten into or out of trouble most of the time. Jan could remember vague silhouettes of people that she worked with or helped, but mostly their faces and names remained somewhere out of reach. This person was different. He seemed to fit into both categories, but there was something else. There was something about him that touched her memory. And if he was a person she worked with, then why be so sly about coming into her hospital room, he had barely made any noise. It seemed to her as if she could feel his feelings of worry, and that took her off guard, how did she know what his feelings might be, did she know him that well, or was it all just guessing from the tone of his voice? One thing still bothered her, why did he feel the need to sneak in. Her head began to ache again with all the thoughts going through it.

“Don’t honestly know yet. Who are you?” was all the reply she gave and then opened her eyes slowly. Best at this time to keep everyone guessing, even herself. He didn’t remove his hand, he only moved closer. To most people this might have made them uncomfortable, to Jan, she only felt reassurance. She could see him clearly now. In fact, he had made a point to move into her line of sight so that she could. Jan could only guess that his height was around six foot, and weight, well it didn’t look as if he had a problem with that, as she got a clear view of well toned muscle down the front of a very baggy hospital shirt. His face, although hard and chiseled with experience, was not threatening, and in fact she could see worry lines at the corners of his dark green eyes. Not a bad face to look at, and one Jan knew had featured in her dreams recently. She only wished she was unable to make a direct connection to any specific dream, name, or lifetime.

“Shh. I really didn’t expect you to respond. You’ve been through a lot of nasty stuff. The doctor will be here for rounds in about ten minutes so I’ll have to be fast,” he gently took his hand from Jan’s head. “Name’s Ward and we have,” there was a slight pause, “worked together at times. Right now, all you need to know is that whatever you remember, which I’m guessing is very little at this point, it is important to keep it to yourself until you can get your wits about you, and remember who is who.” This time he stood up, “This may be the hard part, trust no one, not even me Babs until you remember them,” at this he smiled and touched her hand. The name Babs rang a bell way off in the distance and the touch brought back emotions of love and warmth. Jan tried to smile, and Ward caught a glimpse of it. With his mind’s eye, he also saw something else. “Do you trust me?” Jan just stared at him, unsure, “Close your eyes, and look with your heart,” never once moving his hand, Jan felt safe and closed her eyes. All at once the pain in her head cleared and a thought drifted through her mind. It was his face, and his hand in hers, and they were together. The thought was hazy, and the why even hazier, but she was sure it was the two of them. Jan wondered how this man fit into the picture she was getting, and just why he was able to help her clear the storm long enough to get a clear thought of the past through it. Many things began to tumble through her mind and all she heard was a quiet, “Shh... all in good time.” Jan opened her eyes to his smile, “one thing always to remember, you have to know who your friends and enemies are, and I think you still might be trying to remember who you really are. Rob’s a good guy, but he is still just following orders,” letting go of her hand, he moved toward the door. After looking through a little crack as he opened the door, he continued, “I’ll be back soon, but by that time they’ll have your room bugged and humming. It’ll be harder to talk then, but I’ll find a way to answer any questions you have.” The door opened wider, “Take care Babs, I’ll see you again soon, I promise,” and he was gone. There was something unspoken, something she could not put a finger on, only a feeling, and that scared her in a very different way than the events prior to today have.

One thing was true; she was still trying to put all the pieces together. But this person, Ward, had asked her for nothing, and said he’d be willing to answer her questions when he could. He also seemed to be the only one concerned about how she was doing, besides the doctors, not wanting to know what she could remember. Only one thing bothered her about Ward, his desire not to be seen by Rob, or by anyone else by the look of things. This brought up some very interesting thoughts. His voice and mannerisms seemed to evoke only good feelings in her, whereas Rob’s presence had done neither. Nor did his presence bring a sense of fear or of mistrust, she seemed to trust Rob but she didn’t know why. The cloud was beginning to grow again, swirling relentlessly in her head. The fact that it seemed to have quieted while he was in the room and allowed her to see a bit of what he was feeling made this Ward character more interesting. Had she just imagined that? How many times had he been in here? Maybe she had just imagined it all, and was dreaming again, hoping so much for a normal life beyond this room that Ward had appeared as a part of her subconscious. She still had no real sense of self, or of any reality. She made a mental note to ask for as much reading material as possible to catch up on current events, learn about her surroundings, and to figure out her life.

If it was true and she was in a hospital, she still didn’t know where the hospital was, or even where she lived. At the present time, even if she felt the need to, she could not escape. Except for the nurse, everyone she had seen, at the grand total of two now, she had somehow known, and neither person had elicited a fear response from her. That was a good sign. Kevin, the mystery man in all of this, was dead. Jan also knew she looked and felt like the inside of a sausage, and that the throbbing in her head had started again and was about to claim her sanity. She looked to the door expecting someone to open it just as the doctor walked in and started what was soon to become a regular routine to check on her progress.

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Shadows of the Past

Shadows of the Past - Part 9

Rob flipped through an old magazine, glancing back and forth at the door. For right now he felt pretty sure that Jan was safe. The newspapers had reported two deaths at the factory. This was important for the time being. In fact, it may have been the truth for all Rob had known; it was touch and go for a couple of days. She had been registered under the name of Casandra Hughs. A name she had used from time to time when needed, but was truly unknown to most people. Only one other person knew this name, and he wasn’t too worried about him just yet. This gave the department time. Since she had regained consciousness it was now becoming apparent that something would need to be done.

Rob dropped the magazine on the table and walked toward the door. The nurse was just leaving the room, and as he approached her she held up a warning finger. “Just checking to see if I could go in yet?”

“I’m afraid Miss Hughs has tired herself out, and will be asleep for a while yet,” and the nurse, putting her hands on her hips, gave Rob one last look as if to say just try and get past me. He decided he’d rather take on the entire Marine Corp than this nurse.

“Guess I should get a fresh cup of coffee then,” as he turned he felt that Jan would be safe with ‘Sergeant Major Nurse’ on duty for the moment. The next morning, once he was relieved of door watching duty for a while, he would have to pick up the surveillance equipment and wire her room. He had won the argument on video equipment at least, and it would only be sound. The thought of the conversation with the director he had just had angered him. Rob was unsure that this was the best way to protect her. He didn’t want any unexpected visitors in Jan’s room, but the department seemed to think this plan may smoke out those involved if they let out the information that she was alive, or worse yet, prove that she was implicated. And it was that part that scared him, that and the thought of drinking more hospital coffee.

An orderly was standing off to the side of the nurses’ station and looking through the charts at hand. He stood about six-foot although it was hard to tell the way he slumped over the charts. The hospital cap hid all but the ends of his hair, and the tan on his well-defined arms drew no attention to him as Rob walked past. Once Rob had turned the corner, the orderly counted the seconds it would take for him to reach the elevator. Once the time was up, he looked around for the nurses. It was at that moment that the orderly, Ward, slipped the charts into the bin and moved quickly to the door of Jan’s room entering silently. Taking in all aspects of the room with a single glance, he knew that there was nothing here yet to let them know that he had shown up. Good. He then dared a look at Jan. ‘Shit.’ She had been in rough spots before, but never this bad. He stared for just a moment, noticing that the breathing had tensed up. He smiled knowing she must be aware of someone in the room. That was a good sign. She was at least conscious. He walked over to her slowly, not wanting to scare her. He bent over and moved his hand gently across her head, “Ahh Babs, what did you get yourself into this time?” He rested his hand gently on her forehead.

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Shadows of the Past

Shadows of the Past - Part 8

Moments later, Jan was aware of someone on the other side of the door. It was only the gentle sound of the door opening that disturbed her thoughts. The person that entered, Jan assumed was the doctor, but when there was barely any sound as he moved through the room she knew it wasn’t. Jan left her eyes closed as terror gripped her heart. She took one calming breath pushing away the fear that filled her and waited. It seemed to be a conditioned response. Help was only seconds away, yet it really didn’t feel to her as if she needed the help. The waiting seemed like forever. The feelings she had didn’t seem to be hers. Instead they were feelings of compassion, hurt, caring, love, and fear. The last one was unclear as to where that feeling was coming from. It wasn’t until the voice spoke, so soft and low, gentle and warm by her ear that she released the air from her lungs. She felt a reassuring hand on her head, smoothing her hair gently away from her face as the voice whispered in her ear.

“Ahh Babs, what did you get yourself into this time?” -----

“Didn’t get much,” Rob paused, “She had just gained consciousness for the first time when I went in there and she didn’t seem to remember much of anything,” Rob leaned his five foot ten inch frame against the wall as he talked into the phone with his back to Jan’s room. He was well proportioned, and very fit for his age. “Doctors say the trauma was pretty severe. They can’t be sure if she will even remember what happened,” in his mind he wondered why she would want to remember any of it. It might only get her killed the next time. There was a silence while he listened to the person on the other end of the phone, and he pushed the fingers of his other hand back through his short black hair. The warmth of the cell phone on his ear matched the heated words he was hearing, and he didn’t like the tone of it at all. He had known what they had thought, but to hear the implications spoken out loud unnerved him. Rob was sure that all the allegations were unfounded, or at least the ones that left her on the wrong side of the law. He had also been sure of it with another coworker a while back, and who had left this line of work, in what some would say was on unfavorable terms. “The nurse assured me that I would be able to see her again after the doctor’s been in, and Okayed it. I’ll report back after that or tomorrow, whichever comes first,” he rang off quickly without any formalities.

He went back to watching the door to the room. His windbreaker was old with the logo of the sports team unreadable, and his shirt standard white-collar, button up. As he sat in the waiting room on the dirty orange chairs with the attached Formica table, his cold coffee sitting next to him on the chair, he mused over the past ten years. He had known Jan for all those years. They had worked together and had been friends most of the time, good friends. He was ten years older than her, and had taken her as a partner about two years after the department was officially formed. Over those years he had become protective of her, as a father would be to a daughter, even in her life outside of the job. That was part of his job anyway, to make sure that there was no life outside her job, nothing to pull her away from the team, and in that he knew he had failed. Once he had become her friend, he had allowed her more freedom. It was that freedom that now threatened to incarcerate her forever, guilty or not.

When he found her after the attack, he had half-expected Jan to be dead, although he knew if there were any way to have escaped it, she would have. He heard the call go out on the scanner in his old Camry. It was reported as a factory fire out on First Avenue and Highway A- 1. It was a deserted, disintegrating area at best. The years had left the area abandoned and neglected after the factory had closed. It was now the type of area for drug dealers, drops and a place where the netherworld inhabited. It hadn’t been the first time he had been to that warehouse on this assignment, and when he heard the call go out he immediately turned in that direction fearing the worst.

Rob and Jan had known that this attack might happen, that was why they had chosen to relocate Kevin, but didn’t think it would be right after the trial. Jan was good at her job, and the only thing left in his mind, at the time he had heard the call, was that Jan had been removed from the picture permanently. How had they missed the warning signs? He wondered how she had, knowing just what she could do. He had not known nor could he understand it, and that still remained the mystery, and looked to stay that way for a while. When he got there the firefighters had just removed the two bodies and had been surprised to find anyone in the building. They were also surprised to find that one of them was still alive. So had Rob.

Kevin hadn’t had a chance, his head was no longer round, and only a gross approximation of a head was left. They had just kidded themselves that they might be able to offer him some protection from that group, but now that the worst had happened there were even more pieces to be put together. Kevin had been threatened that if he testified he would be killed, but this was truly more than that. Kevin wasn’t even recognizable, but when he had seen who the other body was, he had his fears confirmed. It had been Jan, but somehow she was still breathing and alive. It surprised him that she had made it through such an ordeal. Then again, Jan didn’t give up easily. It must have been some fight, and Rob wondered if Jan had even gotten a good look at them. Most likely she had, and that would be the problem. Even if Jan never remembered, Rob wasn’t sure if that would matter to her attackers. It would be easier to hide her and keep her safe if she had no knowledge of her past. On the other hand, Jan would also have no memory of how to deal with things as they came up, and could he protect her forever? The bosses might frown on that one. No one devoted his life to protecting another agent, not in this race. At best she was damaged goods, at worst a liability.

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Shadows of the Past

Shadows of the Past - Part 7

They had told her that her injuries to her head and face were, or had been extensive. That was what Jan had attributed to the cause of the memory loss. What they hadn’t told her was if she could see or not. Slowly she thought back to the dream and the attack to try and remember, even though her mind fought her efforts, the moment she first regained consciousness, ‘Yes, there had been light, even some color.’ The damage must not have affected her sight too much, or at least that was the premise she was going to work on.

Next, she started wiggling just her fingers and toes. Stiff, sore, and in general twice as heavy as she remembered, but they still seemed to work and respond to her orders, or at least she thought they were. Now, she decided, for a damage report on her hands. Rotating the hands slowly at the wrist she winced. It seemed that in the right hand there must be an IV and on the left hand there was a definite restriction, it must be a cast. But there was pain so she was sure that the information she was getting from her body was reliable. Slowly, and conserving movement where she could, she got a greater understanding of the extent of her injuries. There was definite tenderness to the trunk of her body, probably had been internal injuries, hopefully most of which were healed, or healing by now. She concentrated hard, she could remember the pain taking a deep breath had caused and this reminded her that the possibility still existed of broken ribs. Her hand responded slowly, but respond it did, to feel for the tape that Jan knew would be around the trunk of her body. The left and right ankles and up the legs were also in casts, or restraints, a problem for getting out of here in any hurry, and her neck was in a brace. All in all, the outlook didn’t seem good, but she was still alive, and now she could remember a bit more in an organized fashion. This could be important.

Now it was time to discover what was left of her sight. She was almost sure that patience was not her strong point by now. Moving both the right and left arms with a slow and steady effort, she touched her face. At first she didn’t seem to recognize it as a face. It was swollen and tender in most places that her hands could touch, and bandaged the rest of the places. Nothing seemed to be broken, and from what she could remember that could only have been a miracle. She let her fingers investigate the bandages over her eyes. Simple, yet effective to keep the light out, as well as keeping her from knowing where she was. Rob, yes it was Rob, had told her where she was, but she couldn’t be sure that was the complete truth. She was also pretty sure that they didn’t want her knowing everything yet. Jan’s fingers had now become used to moving again and a little more nimble. It seemed that only the cast caused any restriction. Jan noticed that her fingers were also a bit swollen but not enough to keep her from starting to undo the bandages that kept her from seeing her surroundings. She stretched out the gauze around the eye pads so that she could easily slide it up and down. Carefully she slid it onto what she would call her nose, swollen and sore, but probably not broken.

Fear gripped her again. It was not like before. It was a new unknowing fear, one that she had never felt before, ‘What if I can’t see? What then?’ Throwing caution to the wind, and knowing that whether it was now or later, the truth would still be the same, she took a breath and carefully removed the one pad from the right eye. The eye responded by opening only halfway. Light streamed into her eye. Light, the blinding, beautiful light of the rays of the sun assaulted her eye. The florescent light in the room only added to the pain. There were more lights and colors from where ever else it might be coming from in the room. Her right eye shut just as quickly as it had opened, but now Jan knew one thing, she could see. This time, more slowly, she opened up her eye and was greeted with a welcome barrage of light and colors, mostly white. She took off the pad from her left eye and with the same care slowly opened it. With a sigh of relief, she greeted the light and color seen painfully by the left eye, with a smile. She blinked and took the next step, focusing. As her eyes watered and she blinked away the tears the first thing she could focus on was the institutional like ceiling of sound absorbing squares. With a slight smile she began to move her head as much as the brace around her neck would allow her to survey her surroundings.

The room was small, just enough room for a bed, desk or table, and a chair, which to her relief was empty. Monitors stood beside the bed and even though she could not move her head enough to see what they were reading; she knew that someone outside the room was monitoring her vital signs. A dramatic change in Jan’s condition would bring someone to the room and that was the last thing she wanted. Jan took another relaxing breath. The door was located out of sight at the foot of the bed. A small but adequate mirror was on the wall opposite the monitors along with what might be a small table or desk, unknown as she could not move her head to determine which it was.

Jan was all of sudden interested in what she looked like. It was vain, yes, but more of a curiosity. She let her hands feel for the bed’s controls and, finding them with her left hand. She slowly tried the buttons until she worked the bed to an upright position to better assess her condition as well as see what was left of the room in the mirror. Pain had figured into the equation, but Jan fought off the initial reaction, breathing in a relaxed manner she didn’t feel, and continued. Figuring that she might have drawn attention to herself by now, she quickly visually checked what she was able to see of her body. Sighing, and realizing that her first assessment had been correct she then turned and looked at the mirror just before the door opened. She gasped as she looked at what was once a fairly familiar face. It was now swollen to three times its size and with a number of butterfly bandages and bruises that made it nearly unrecognizable as a face. She turned carefully to see the face of a woman enter the room, the nurse.

“I think that is quite enough of a sneak peak for now,” it was the same female voice she had heard before, but now she could place not only a face but also a job to it. Yes, she was the nurse. She went over to the mirror and removed it placing it face down on the desk. “I will need to get the doctor now that you have decided to remove your own bandages. You have been very naughty,” the nurse turned back to look at her, “Are you seeing all right?”

The concern was real, and deserved a considerate response, “My eyes seem to be working fine,” but not ready to volunteer any more information Jan decided to feign tiredness, “I do think I may have done too much though. Could I rest before the doctor comes in? I promise to close my eyes and be good.” The voice sounded better than before and it was only partially a lie about the tiredness. The nurse settled Jan back to a resting position and then left the room agreeing not to send the doctor in just yet. Jan’s eyes closed and bits of memory started to flash through her mind again.

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Shadows of the Past

Shadows of the Past - Part 6

The question couldn’t have more poignant, or well timed. Yes, she now knew her name and could even remember small bits of trivial information. But it was only trivial. What was still needed hovered only on the outskirts of her mind just out of her reach and taunted her with what she so wanted to know. She knew that it wasn’t as it important to know that her hair was brown, and that her favorite color was orange. It was a start though and something to build on. Even more things were becoming clear, but not as fast as she needed, or wanted. The things that still escaped her were the biggies. She wanted to know what she did, how did she live, where did she live, did she have friends, family, a lover, or a pet? The questions began to fire from all directions in her brain and the hurricane began to swallow her up.

“Go away!” she shouted at no one in particular, and this time she meant it. She needed time, more time than this Rob wanted to give her right now. The effort of the conversation, and the raging storm in her head, were all making her tired. The idea of the dreamless unconsciousness she had just escaped was teasing and tempting her. Its darkness waited again to claim her, rescue her from this existence, and take her back to a world filled with no thoughts, no memories, and no worries. She could hear the nurse, if that was who she was, pulling Rob out under protest as she drifted back into that wanted peace unconsciousness had once been.

As peaceful as the unconsciousness had been before, it was now just as terrifying. Her dreams were haunted with explosions and with visions of death, and dying. Not hers, but others. Most of the images were just that, images, unknown faces. The dreams were relentless. First she was on a plane, next being shot, then jumping out of a different plane, next meeting with faces at places she knew but names she could not retrieve, and then finally she could see steel pipes swinging at her again and again. She was part of the dream, and yet she was also an observer and commentator. She could feel the pain all over again. She wondered about the reality of it all, ‘Had she really experienced this once?’ She noticed another pipe coming toward her in the dream, or was it. She fell to the ground rolling away from the next hit. The other person was not as lucky. He took the full force against his head. Jan remembered, ‘Yes, it was a memory, real, but now just a memory,’ the sound of bones breaking, the sickening sound of the thud of the pipe as it connected with the other person’s head, and the lifeless pile that had been left after the attack. Dream mixed with reality, and Jan had a sickening feeling that she now knew the name that belonged to the victim in her dream as her thoughts interrupted trying to clarify what she was seeing. Jan felt herself receive another blow from a faceless figure behind her. It wasn’t the same person that had attacked the man that now lay lifeless on the floor, so there were at least three people there, ‘That could be Kevin, or was it Keith, that now lay lifeless on the floor.’ There was something about her attacker, but in the dream Jan didn’t get a chance to get a good look at him. In the dream though, she just caught a glimpse of the other man that now approached her. He seemed familiar, but no name came to mind. The dream took over again and she felt another blow and then another from behind. As she lay helpless on the floor the man facing her spoke in a low and threatening voice his eyes seeming to burn straight through her, “You’re almost worth saving, but I have my orders,” and instinctively she knew that the saving would not be any type of rescue at all.

In that one moment, and only for a moment, she knew who her attacker was. Not only did it surprise her, she wasn’t so sure that she hadn’t seen a ghost. It seemed as if he reached into her mind with his, and within a wink of an eye all thoughts and memories were gone. Memories she thought were there forever, who she was, friends, and the name of her attacker. It felt as if her brain was being sifted through, and shredded. She fought back as best she could, who could do this? The pain in the dream, though not real, began to increase to the point at which she awoke stifling a small scream in the process. Jan could feel the sweat on her brow slowly dripping off to the side of her head and into the bandages around her eyes. The pillow and her hair were already soaked with sweat she noticed as she gasped for air. It seemed the closer she got to knowing who she was, and who hurt her, the farther away the memories traveled. She wondered why, how, and who had locked the memories so far away from her conscious thought.

Jan listened to the noises in the room, waiting, and hoping that no one was near. She could hear the beep of the machine that she had heard earlier, but the rest of the room was silent. The beeping was faster; it seemed to match the beating of her heart. ‘Logical,’ she thought. She listened for breathing, not just hers, but of anyone that might have been left to watch her. If they were hoping she could tell them about the attack, which she could now clearly remember more of, pain and all, would they have left someone in the room, or just outside of it? Most likely just outside the room from the woman’s earlier reaction. The hurricane that had once been her thoughts and dreams now started to clear again. The woman that spoke earlier was right, rest was what she had needed, but somehow she didn’t think it was the right type of rest that she had gotten. Her dreams also led her to believe that she needed the answers they were looking for and she wanted them sooner, not later. Somehow she didn’t think that patience was her strong point. She was sure that here in the hospital if they were not the good guys, at least they were not the bad guys that had those large poles. That or their tactics had drastically changed. What did Rob, or was it Bob, say, ‘two weeks had gone by’. That was a lot of time to be unaware of where, who, or even what she was. That was now beginning to change. Thoughts, memories, and even feelings were returning, this time in a coherent form, one she could organize into a picture, she hoped, of who and what she was, or had been. There were still many holes, too many, but with time that would soon be solved. ‘Bob,’ Jan wondered where that name had come from, was it someone she had known. Her head began to hurt again as she tried to focus on the name. She began to wonder what the extents of the injuries were that she had received from the beating.

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Shadows of the Past

Shadows of the Past - Part 5

The clouds in her head that had been threatening to storm now began to build again. The pain returning to Jan’s head was now worse than before. The little information she had darted between the lightning bolts and mixed with the ominous darkness that spun, and threatened to turn into a tornado. The more that Jan tried to remember the less she could focus on anything. The smell of antiseptic was now registering in her nostrils and with that nauseating her it nearly initiated a fit of coughing. She tried to clear her mind, push away the

storm for just a minute, ‘Who was Kevin?’ ‘Was she some how responsible for his death?’ she had no memory of him at all. The beeping started again pushing out all thought, but this time it was clear to her that it was a hospital beep. Obviously, it was no small accident if she had no memory of the last two weeks or any part of her life that had existed before now. Some one had died during this time. Some one was dead whom she was supposed to know. Nothing made sense. ‘If only I could see’ rang through her growing storm cloud, ‘maybe then I could fit some of the pieces together.’ It all sounded so official, a trial, being charged. Jan began to question who she was and just what she had done in her life before this moment. She wondered if she was the one on trial, the jailor, the juror, or just who she could be.

Jan could hear the door scrape on the floor as it opened. The dark storm cloud churned with every thought as Rob began his questioning again. Jan, not knowing any more than she did, and not wanting any more information to increase the size of what now could be now classified as a full blown hurricane managed to force out a word, “Stop”, before it could swallow up what she could just manage to sort out. Plain and simple, she needed to know more about herself first. Then maybe the rest would somehow become important. The trauma had been significant, the present, past, and even the future, was unknown. Now, more than ever, she began to realize that she needed to remember who she was, all the details, and not rely on others that she didn’t remember as of yet, ‘Why is that so important to me? Why can’t I trust this voice? I somehow recognize from somewhere in my past?’ Too many questions, not enough answers, and from somewhere deep inside her she decided that she could not trust anyone just yet. Footsteps echoed throughout the room on the tile floor. They were lighter footsteps and it was clear to Jan when the voice spoke.

“Time to leave, she needs rest,” it was a woman, a nurse probably; considering she had been told she was in a hospital.

“I have already waited two weeks to get some answers. I won’t leave yet,” Rob directed the comments toward the footsteps that had entered the room, and away from Jan. His voice was quiet, yet impatient, demanding.

“I’m sorry, I have my orders that the visit was to be short no more than five minutes. It is clear that the patient is agitated and needs to rest. If ....” the nurse’s calm, clear, but firm voice was interrupted by Rob’s agitated one, and Jan could only imagine what the conflict looked like.

“Then just get new orders,” there was restraint in his voice, “I need to find out who did ...” this time it was Jan who interrupted.

“Leave,” in a voice she could hardly call her own, she again spoke the words on her mind, “I need time to think.”

“Just tell me this, do you know who you are?” It wasn’t a demand, yet it was, and she could feel his presence nearer to her almost wishing the information out of her. There had been something else in his voice as well, concern she thought.

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Shadows of the Past

Shadows of the Past - Part 4

“Jan ... Jan, can you hear me?” the voice came from nowhere, and from no particular direction that she could tell as it floated to her ears. First things first, she sniffed the air. All she knew was that she couldn’t smell smoke anymore, it wasn’t hot anymore, and she was laying comfortably on her back in a soft bed. She began to feel a little safer, whether or not she really was didn’t seem to matter.

It seemed to have been years since Jan had heard any voice, but especially this voice.

That voice was familiar. The clouds that still lurked in her mind threatened to hide all that surrounded her and drag her back into the abyss she had just left as she tried to think. They must have her on some kind of drugs because the pain, although there, didn’t seem half as important now. Even though she was thankful for them she knew for some reason that she needed to be off of them as soon as possible.

Something from her past told her that it was a friendly voice and she fought to stay in the present and conscious. ‘Jan, yes this was her name,’ the thought drifted through. The panic had long subsided, and became only a distant memory. She tried to speak, and found that it still took great effort.

“Who’s there?” she barely recognized her own voice. It sounded fragile, strained, flat, and only a fraction of the volume that she had expected for the amount of effort it took. Once again, panic began to eat away at the corners of her memories as she tried to move, to open stubborn eyes, to look at the person who owned the voice her ears had faintly recognized but her eyes had yet to see. Her eyes still seemed to fight her, refusing her every effort to open them this time. Jan tried to move her hands to her face. This time her arms were less like steel beams, more like granite rocks, but still refusing to move without tremendous effort that she didn’t feel like exerting. Giving up, she realized that it had not been years since she had heard a voice, but the correct amount of time had escaped her. At least breathing seemed easier than what she had remembered from before, and the beeping in her ears was somewhat different.

“Jan, it’s Rob, Rob Brown, do you remember me?” without even waiting on the reply he continued, “Do you remember anything?” His voice held a touch of concern, or was it panic. There was another beep in the room. Now just for a split second, Jan was able to recognize the beep as an institutional sound of some kind.

“Maybe,” it was all Jan could get out. So many questions pressed through Jan’s mind. It was impossible to determine which one to ask first, and this seemed to be adding to the cloud that already existed, and making it grow into a full-blown storm. Something in the back of her mind wasn’t sure yet if she should ask or answer any questions, some memories were beginning to play at the corners of her mind taunting her, not clear, yet not fuzzy, but certainly not where she could access them. None of the pieces she wanted to share with only a faceless voice she seemed to have some recognition of from a past of which she had no memory. And it seemed as if it was a distant faceless voice from her memory at that.

Without being taken aback by the answer, in fact, it seemed that he had not really expected any answer just yet, Rob went on, “Jan, you have had a small accident. You are in the hospital, and have been here for about two weeks. Your condition seems to be stable now, but you have had some injuries to your eye area, among other problems. That is why you can’t see anything right now. The doctors still have your eyes bandaged as a precaution, so don’t try to open them yet. Your attackers thought you were dead, and left you that way. It happened about two hours after the trial. Kevin was killed, no one has yet been charged, identified, or found. You are the only witness.” He took a small breath before beginning again, “We haven’t got much time. They said you could only have a visitor for a couple of minutes. Do you remember anything?” a small bit of urgency crept into his voice. He didn’t have time to tell her that he was glad she was still alive or that he had notified a friend. Business was first; humanity was sometimes second in their line of work.

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Shadows of the Past