Thursday, February 8, 2018

Shadows of the Past - Part 10

The voice was not so much familiar as the feelings it evoked. Jan had a sense of true warmth and caring from the touch and the intonations in his voice. The hand resting on her head only added to the pleasure, yet she wasn’t sure she could place any of it, or why she felt that way. At best she could only remember snippets of her life right now, and somehow this person didn’t seem to be a part of those snippets. It seemed that she had only lived in the shadows, and somehow either gotten into or out of trouble most of the time. Jan could remember vague silhouettes of people that she worked with or helped, but mostly their faces and names remained somewhere out of reach. This person was different. He seemed to fit into both categories, but there was something else. There was something about him that touched her memory. And if he was a person she worked with, then why be so sly about coming into her hospital room, he had barely made any noise. It seemed to her as if she could feel his feelings of worry, and that took her off guard, how did she know what his feelings might be, did she know him that well, or was it all just guessing from the tone of his voice? One thing still bothered her, why did he feel the need to sneak in. Her head began to ache again with all the thoughts going through it.

“Don’t honestly know yet. Who are you?” was all the reply she gave and then opened her eyes slowly. Best at this time to keep everyone guessing, even herself. He didn’t remove his hand, he only moved closer. To most people this might have made them uncomfortable, to Jan, she only felt reassurance. She could see him clearly now. In fact, he had made a point to move into her line of sight so that she could. Jan could only guess that his height was around six foot, and weight, well it didn’t look as if he had a problem with that, as she got a clear view of well toned muscle down the front of a very baggy hospital shirt. His face, although hard and chiseled with experience, was not threatening, and in fact she could see worry lines at the corners of his dark green eyes. Not a bad face to look at, and one Jan knew had featured in her dreams recently. She only wished she was unable to make a direct connection to any specific dream, name, or lifetime.

“Shh. I really didn’t expect you to respond. You’ve been through a lot of nasty stuff. The doctor will be here for rounds in about ten minutes so I’ll have to be fast,” he gently took his hand from Jan’s head. “Name’s Ward and we have,” there was a slight pause, “worked together at times. Right now, all you need to know is that whatever you remember, which I’m guessing is very little at this point, it is important to keep it to yourself until you can get your wits about you, and remember who is who.” This time he stood up, “This may be the hard part, trust no one, not even me Babs until you remember them,” at this he smiled and touched her hand. The name Babs rang a bell way off in the distance and the touch brought back emotions of love and warmth. Jan tried to smile, and Ward caught a glimpse of it. With his mind’s eye, he also saw something else. “Do you trust me?” Jan just stared at him, unsure, “Close your eyes, and look with your heart,” never once moving his hand, Jan felt safe and closed her eyes. All at once the pain in her head cleared and a thought drifted through her mind. It was his face, and his hand in hers, and they were together. The thought was hazy, and the why even hazier, but she was sure it was the two of them. Jan wondered how this man fit into the picture she was getting, and just why he was able to help her clear the storm long enough to get a clear thought of the past through it. Many things began to tumble through her mind and all she heard was a quiet, “Shh... all in good time.” Jan opened her eyes to his smile, “one thing always to remember, you have to know who your friends and enemies are, and I think you still might be trying to remember who you really are. Rob’s a good guy, but he is still just following orders,” letting go of her hand, he moved toward the door. After looking through a little crack as he opened the door, he continued, “I’ll be back soon, but by that time they’ll have your room bugged and humming. It’ll be harder to talk then, but I’ll find a way to answer any questions you have.” The door opened wider, “Take care Babs, I’ll see you again soon, I promise,” and he was gone. There was something unspoken, something she could not put a finger on, only a feeling, and that scared her in a very different way than the events prior to today have.

One thing was true; she was still trying to put all the pieces together. But this person, Ward, had asked her for nothing, and said he’d be willing to answer her questions when he could. He also seemed to be the only one concerned about how she was doing, besides the doctors, not wanting to know what she could remember. Only one thing bothered her about Ward, his desire not to be seen by Rob, or by anyone else by the look of things. This brought up some very interesting thoughts. His voice and mannerisms seemed to evoke only good feelings in her, whereas Rob’s presence had done neither. Nor did his presence bring a sense of fear or of mistrust, she seemed to trust Rob but she didn’t know why. The cloud was beginning to grow again, swirling relentlessly in her head. The fact that it seemed to have quieted while he was in the room and allowed her to see a bit of what he was feeling made this Ward character more interesting. Had she just imagined that? How many times had he been in here? Maybe she had just imagined it all, and was dreaming again, hoping so much for a normal life beyond this room that Ward had appeared as a part of her subconscious. She still had no real sense of self, or of any reality. She made a mental note to ask for as much reading material as possible to catch up on current events, learn about her surroundings, and to figure out her life.

If it was true and she was in a hospital, she still didn’t know where the hospital was, or even where she lived. At the present time, even if she felt the need to, she could not escape. Except for the nurse, everyone she had seen, at the grand total of two now, she had somehow known, and neither person had elicited a fear response from her. That was a good sign. Kevin, the mystery man in all of this, was dead. Jan also knew she looked and felt like the inside of a sausage, and that the throbbing in her head had started again and was about to claim her sanity. She looked to the door expecting someone to open it just as the doctor walked in and started what was soon to become a regular routine to check on her progress.

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