Hidden Promises - Chapter 2 - Part 2

Jan contemplated this question. When working with the PED department, they were given jobs and there was never a question of if they would do the job or not. Safety was a concern, but not a choice, at least not theirs. It was calculated and weighed in some office, in some place far away from the agents themselves and once all the pros and cons were settled, the assignments were handed out. Now on her own Jan had to decide if the job was really worth all the risks? Could they get the results they wanted? Could they stay away from the people they needed to?

Maybe Ward was used to this but Jan realized she wasn’t. The question took her off guard and she took her paper and walked away from the desk and over to the window. Looking back out to the ocean, she watched the waves play on the top of the water as she thought. This was what Ward was trying to get her to see, all this time. She hadn’t come around to it herself; and he finally had to place it in front of her. The pelicans and the seagulls seemed to be dancing on the wind. Ward sat down on the couch behind her, not trying to disturb her thoughts, but waiting for the question he knew would come.

“How do you decide?” Jan didn’t turn around.

“Babs, it’s different every time for every job and it’s never easy,” Ward didn’t continue. Jan didn’t turn around, but simply stared out into the ocean. Time stood still for a while as the sounds of the ocean seeped in.

“Can you get Eddy to try and find answers to these questions?”

“Maybe, the illegals tend to keep a lot of the information to themselves because of immigration. They shy away from most people; afraid anyone could and would turn them in. Since they seemed to have opened up this much to him, I’m sure he’ll get at least part of it as long as he can convince them they will get help with no strings. I’ll send out an e-mail to see what he can get, or already has,” Ward walked over and took hold of the paper.

“Good. As for the last question, I think I’ll take a little time and think about it. Don’t make any promises to Eddy,” Jan still hadn’t moved. She was not so worried about the dangers of the job, but the dangers from the agencies after them.

“Not as easy as you thought it would be?” Ward watched her move toward the door. He enjoyed watching her, but he didn’t enjoy seeing the struggle she was going through. He had been through it, the transition from agent to free agent; she just needed to take the last step and he couldn’t rush it. Until she made that decision he wouldn’t contact Eddy though.

“Maybe the choice is not as hard as I thought it would be,” and Jan walked out the door and up the small flight of stairs to the patio that was covered with red clay tile and adorned with all types of plant life to give it a cozy tropical feel.

On the way to the beach, Jan avoided thought. As she began to climb down the rocks, thoughts crept back into her head. Each step she took down the rock face seemed to add on another set of questions; all the questions seemed to have the same answer. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t faced death before; on some jobs that seemed to be the norm. It was more the fact that she now had the choice.

Taking the job Eddy had offered was not the question. Jan had to find an answer for the last question given to her. Her answer for Eddy had to be yes, and the dangers from the agencies would just have to be. Once they had the information then they could proceed how they saw fit. Jan was feeling something else and Ward was giving her room to experience it. It wasn’t a totally new feeling.

She had felt it before, just once, as she had looked at people on the street after she had escaped from the department for the last time. It was a feeling of total and utter freedom to do and say what she wanted. The idea that she could run away and be free of all the things and memories that held her to what her life had been. The easy way would be to continue on as normal, helping others, taking on assignments and solving everyone else’s problems. But no, Ward wouldn’t allow her to mindlessly follow that path unless she truly wanted it.

Feeling the warmth of the sun on her face she realized that this was truly the question that needed answering. Was this what she really wanted? The wind brushed her long brown hair off to the side as she sat down and closed her eyes. Taking deep breaths she fell into a profound meditative state, one that she hadn’t been able to achieve for what seemed like forever, and she let herself go.

When Ward felt her meditation begin he walked over to the phone and started to dial a familiar number. He couldn’t wait much longer to contact him, it wouldn’t be right. He listened to the ringing on the other end and then the familiar voice answered, “I’m here.”

“I need more info,” the conversation right now had to be direct; they would have time for small talk later.

“It doesn’t look pretty. Called a friend, says that the market for women has reopened big time, both here in Phoenix and in a few other cities in the Southwest,” Eddy took a breath. “Looks like these people may be involved.”

“That’s what I thought,” Ward walked toward the balcony again. He could see Jan out on the rock. He could feel her; knew how relaxed she was.

“Going to take it?” Eddy didn’t mince words, but Ward could tell that he wanted an answer.

“I’ll get back to you on that,” and with that he concentrated fully on Jan, “Jan wants it, but she has something to figure out yet. Same things we had to figure out. I’ll be in touch soon.”



The first thoughts that seeped in during meditation were centered on a time before she became involved with the PED. A faint smile brushed her lips as she remembered how excited she had been to get into college. She was going to study psychology. It had been hard to complete the first year, let alone four years. Money had been tight, but she had entered her fourth year at the university with a renewed feeling of success. She was sure she was going to make it. Her family had never been supportive of her choice and therefore they had never been a part of her college life. By the end of her third year, they had barely spoken to her.

At the end of her fourth year, when she was about to graduate with her bachelors, she was approached by a group of psychologists to join them in a study. At the time they had appeared to be psychologists. She had never heard of the group they worked for, but they offered her a job to do what she loved and had worked so hard to achieve. Assuring her that this work would become part of her masters, and later her doctorate, she signed on. The promise of conducting groundbreaking research, continuing her education, and make enough money to make this all happen had been too much to pass up.

It was with this group that all her experiences in her public and private life had started to change. Slowly, instead of being a college student on the edge, she had unknowingly started on a journey in which there was little hope of her returning to a normal life. Slowly her choices had been taken from her. In fact, it had been so slowly that she hadn’t even noticed at first. All contact with her family had ended over a two-year process and in that time she did earn her psychology masters, as promised, but it had cost her.

When they told her she had no social life, no family life, no life to speak of except with the group of scientists that had once so long ago recruited her. She had watched her ability to assess people’s feelings grow, but they promised more. With the carrot dangling in front of her, she took it, moved to Phoenix, and from that moment on, lived without a choice of her own. Completing over three different covert training camps she was well past trained and ready to move on. Over the next year Jan had learned the finer points of reading minds and working for the government as an operative. The more departmental work she did, the more she became the department. She thought it had been perfect, until she had met Ward.

Silence came over her mind as her mind returned her to the present. She sat just listening to herself breath for a while. The ocean lapping at memories that Jan had thought were long gone and buried. Slowly her thoughts drifted back to the first assignment and her first and only partner, Rob. They had developed an easy friendship, a father-daughter relationship, over the years. But the first assignment together wasn’t that way.

Rob was new to the department, but not to the world of espionage. He had been with another agency, and for reasons that later became clear to her, transferred to the PED. On their first assignment, or test, together all they had to do was gather information from an organized crime group in Phoenix. Pick up some easy information and return to the office to report in. It sounded less complicated than it became. In essence, what it had been was a test to see how well they worked together. After the introductions, power struggles and the planning session they began.

They had chosen to go to the casinos and just listen in, both with Rob’s ears and experience and her mind. Rob being a veteran of other departments was doubtful, to say the least, of listening to this ‘young girl who thought she could read minds’ as he had put it to their superiors. He had never said it to her, but she had heard it all the time from his thoughts. She had never shared that with him.

When they entered the casino they separated and began to work the room. Walking around the back of the casino and the near the private rooms, she got a lead. She went up to Rob and tried to encourage him to follow it with her. Without any other indicators, Rob refused to follow her lead in the casino. They argued, but they stayed together as a team even if it meant losing that lead. What they didn’t know until the debriefing back in the department was that it had been a set up, to test what would happen. They had passed. Once the information was confirmed, Rob began to change his mind about her abilities and their partnership began.

They were good memories, maybe not the ones she had planned as a child, but good memories. Jan slowly opened her eyes and understood why Ward had turned down the other jobs. Her future had to be her choice; it belonged to her and only her now. It was freedom, and even Ward wouldn’t take that away from her if she wanted to choose another path for her life. Choice was something she had not been allowed much of. It was something she needed to have and understand before she could continue with her life, the way she wanted it to be. ‘Shit,’ she thought. She hated it when he was right. Opening her eyes she turned and looked back up to the balcony. She saw him standing there again; and this time, there was a knowing smile on his face as he leaned, head tilted at a cocky angle looking down at her. He then turned and walked back into the apartment.

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