Thursday, June 1, 2017

Novel by the Numbers - Chapter 1

Broken Souls ... by Annay Dawson

Chapter 1

With a puff of air from the corner of her lips the stray strand of hair flew off of Kari’s face as she collapsed into a chair.  It was the last box Kari had to unpack and she was now finally done.  It took her all of one day to move what she hadn’t sold or left into this modest apartment.  The small one bedroom apartment was located on the second story of this old converted Victorian house.  Most of her stuff she had chosen to leave behind.  Sold it with the old house to the newly married couple with their happy lives.  The apartment she had found here was only about half the size of what she was used to living in but it didn’t matter.  She hadn’t wanted most of the things from her other life so it had given her a good excuse to leave it behind.  Well at least most of it.  There were a couple of things that she couldn't part with.  She had spent the better part of a year or so trying to get over what had happened and hanging on to that had been like a buoy, keeping her from moving on in any direction.  
With the TV droning on in the background, some paid commercial for a blender, she glanced up at the clock.  She was surprised that it was already 2 o’clock in the morning.  After working hard all day moving in, unpacking boxes and trying to find some balance, she should have been way past ready to go to bed.  If only she could sleep.  She didn't need a clock to tell her that it was way too late to still be up, she had work in the morning.  It would be her first day at her new job, in a new town she now called home, and it looked like morning had already arrived without telling her.  Glancing toward the bathroom and then at the bed she decided to forgo the shower until morning.  She switched off the TV and just crawled in between the sheets.  This was supposed to be her new start after all and as she closed her eyes she could only hope that she was too tired to dream tonight.
Lying there, even though her body was dead tired, she stared at the ceiling waiting for sleep, even fearing it.  The only light in the room was from the full moon outside that slipped in between the curtains in the living room and through the small door that opened into her room.  She hated the light of the full moon now and should have gotten up and closed the curtains even more but she couldn't drag her tired body from the bed.  Most people would have appreciated the light the full moon supplied.  It was a nice glow that just touched the corner of the bed above her face.  It wasn’t too surprising because the bed overfilled the small room.  Kari could lie there without thinking that it had been their king-sized bed and that was why she couldn’t part with it, not yet.  She sighed.  She had known that the bed wouldn't leave much room for the two small nightstands that stood guard on each side and there would definitely be no room for their dresser, but she didn't care, she had wanted the bed.  
Earlier today Kari had spent about five minutes putting what fall and winter clothes she could into the small closet.  Stuffing it all in there really.  The rest of the boxes of clothes she had were still neatly packed and stuffed under the bed.  As Kari lay there tucked under the new down duvet she had just bought yesterday she looked small, felt small, almost child like.  She was just about five foot two and at most weighed one hundred and ten pounds soaking wet with her coat on.  She stared at the bland white walls of her new room, trying to come to terms with what her life was like now.  Finally, her thoughts cleared like the walls she looked at, and she fell into a deep coma like sleep.  Bits of her blond hair that had escaped her ponytail now lay splayed across the pillow as her eyes began the rapid movements that signaled REM sleep and the beginnings of a dream she so wanted to avoid.  
It was happening again, Kari felt weightless, ghost like and knew she was dreaming but could do nothing to stop it.  That was the cruel part.  She hovered there like some stranger, a tragic Shakespearian character, in her own dream watching yet feeling everything play out once again.  She had had this dream so many times nothing about it surprised her, but she would have given nearly everything she owned to make it stop.  Not that she had much, but her dream played on dragging her unwillingly back in time and into a world of pain and sadness she wanted to escape.  The dream flung her back to a time she would beg the gods that be to never have her repeat, and yet they brought her here again and again.  
As she stood there being a silent observer it was now more than a year and a half ago.  The large master bedroom was only dimly lit at eleven o'clock at night and soft tunes floated from the radio that she had left on waiting for him.  She lay there drifting in and out of sleep when she finally heard Trevor's keys hit the table in the dinning room where he always tossed them.  Moments later she heard him enter the room and the rustle of his suit jacket as he hung it on the rack that stood in the corner.  He had called earlier that evening and told her he was going to be late, client meeting.  Instead of being upset that their plans had been canceled she had decided to make new plans by heading to bed dressed in a red silk, barely there nightgown before he got home.  Truth be told the day had been long, she was tired, and the change of plans had been somewhat welcomed.  She was halfway between dreamland and consciousness when he had come in.  As he got closer to the bed Kari could tell he was trying to be quiet so even as she began to wake completely she lay still.  Slipping off his shoes she heard each one drop in the middle of the floor as he padded toward the bathroom.  
She heard his zipper and the familiar drop of the dress pants and belt as they hit the floor.  From the bathroom the familiar buzz of the razor sounded and her stomach clenched with anticipation.  There was only one reason for him to shave at night and it was for her, so he had had the same ideas.  Next, came the sliding sound of the belt buckle on the floor as the pants were picked up.  He made his way back to the suit rack that stood in the corner.  While he was hanging the pants up on the rack she slightly cracked open one eye.
It was a full moon and the soft glow of moonlight seeped through the cracks of the wooden blinds and settled on him.  Kari even more awake now, stirred a bit.  Missing the movie didn’t seem like such a big deal now.  She had to admit that she had been a bit perturbed at first, but once she had crawled under the covers those feelings had drifted away.  In fact she had appreciated heading off to bed early, especially now.
Trevor approached her side of the bed and she felt the dip as he sat down.  Kari decided not to stir as she felt the cool air on her body as his hands pulled the sheet back gently so as not to wake her.  Her eyes fluttered opened when she heard his groan of appreciation.  Kari melted into him willingly when she felt his hand slip under her back pulling her toward him while his other hand gently caressed down the side of her body.  She responded immediately moving her hand around to meet the warm flesh of his bare chest and the steady beat of his heart.  Then slowly she slided her hand back up and around his shoulders, pulling herself closer to him.  Kari could feel his warm breath caress the side of her cheek right before his soft lips gently brushed her temple.  Then lovingly and so slowly his lips moved down the side of her face toward her neck.  His warm breath sending shivers down her spine.  Once at her neck he took his time before he lowered her back onto the bed.  His hand slipped lower to cup her rear firmly while moving the other hand behind her head allowing his mouth better access to sweetly claim hers as he slid on top of her.  His motions were slow and thorough which made Kari ache even more to have his hands, and everything else.  
The ghostly Kari hovered somewhere above all of it watching the dream Kari locked into a time of love and happiness that could never happen again.  So the ghostly Kari fought to open her eyes, to wake up before everything good changed just like it always did.  If the dream just stayed there, in that moment, with them close, warmed by each other and happy, she would sleep forever, but it never did.  It was that time in the dream when all that was good was stolen from her in a blink of any eye.
As if some cruel and wicked demon had control of her sleep, she was now forever locked in this dream that would momentarily morph into a nightmare. Just as suddenly as the dream had started it switched to the nightmare she remembered. Oddly out of body she now watched herself standing in the hospital where she worked, in the ICU.  Before her she could see Trevor laying in the hospital bed, bruised and bandaged, with so many tubes going in and out of him it was hard to tell which one was for what or how it was helping.  In her heart she knew it wasn't.  His head and face were bandaged to the point that it was hard to identify if who was in the bed, but she knew, she knew.  The sound of the respirator, as it breathed for him, made her choke back her tears.
Kari was jolted out of the dream and wide awake by the loud chirp from the alarm clock on the nightstand next to the bed.  Her hand came out from under the covers and slapped at the alarm until it stopped as her other hand wiped at the tears that had fallen on her cheeks.  It shouldn’t hurt this much anymore.  After all it had been more than a year and a half.   Did she really have more tears she could shed? Her hand slipped back under the covers and she pulled the blanket up around her neck as if it were going to protect her from all the problems that had thrown her life into a tailspin.  But nothing could have protected Kari from those realities and as the snooze alarm blared at her once more she was reminded that starting each day was a challenge, had been a challenge ever since he had died.  Compared to a year ago though, starting the day was slowly getting easier, not always better, but easier.  
Kari threw the comforter and sheets from on top of her into a large pile onto what used to be his side of the bed.  Sighing she pulled herself from the bed.  Whether or not she was ready to meet this day's challenge she no longer had a choice.  She went into the bathroom that was only a short three steps from her side of the bed.  She had come here to make a new start, jump start her life so to speak and that was what she was going to do today. The old adage that today was the first day of the rest of her life would be her motto from now on, after all who better to know that each day was precious.  
She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.  Nothing new, wild hair, dark circles, tear stains, and memories she wished she could be rid of.  Running a comb through her hair she tried to make the blond mop lay down a bit and then gave up.  Reaching into the shower she turned on the hot water and waited.  She didn’t cry anymore, at least not when she was awake, when she got up there were only a few stray tears from the dream that graced her cheek and landed on her pillow.  Rubbing her arms as she waited for the water to get hot she realized that not wanting to hide from the world was at least a step up from where she was only six months ago.  Noticing the steam she climbed into the shower.  Letting the water rush over her, she made the wish she had made so many times before, that warm water would wash the dream from her head and trying not to cry as she did it.  
An hour later she was dressed in tan slacks and a blue sweater.  The color of the sweater highlighted her eyes and even though she had chosen that color for just that reason, it rarely crossed her mind now.  She routinely put on her make-up now not for anyone or any reason but because it was what she was supposed to do.  Kari no longer thought it was strange at how she avoided eye contact with herself in the mirror as she put on her mascara.  Not sure who or what she had become, she was more afraid of the pain that she knew was there and the dream that had caused it.  Pulling her hair into a very utilitarian ponytail she used a scrunchy that was the same color as her sweater to secure it.  Making a cursory swipe of lipstick across her lips it added enough color that she declared herself done and walked out of the bathroom.  

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