Broken Souls ... by Annay Dawson
Chapter 5
Kari had fallen into bed early tonight but sleep hadn't come easy. After many hours of tossing and turning her fitful sleep tortured her even more. The dream had returned but this time it hadn't started with Trevor making love to her. The demons in control had skipped that this time. No, they jumped right to the part where he was laying in the hospital bed with a million tubes and hoses going in and out of him while she sat there holding his hand. Holding his limp cold hand and thinking about what the doctors had just told her. Tears slipped silently down her face as one machine breathed for him and another made sure that his blood continued to pump. The diagnosis was worse than bleak, what little they had had was gone. He was brain dead. She was to make the decision on whether or not to pull the plug. The sobs started slowly at first but it didn't take long for them to take overwhelm her.
Suddenly the dream took a nasty turn and time compressed to the single most devastating moment she had ever faced. She stood there and watched as the machines were turned off. Even though she knew his mother was in the room the only thing she could remember was Trevor. The breathing machine stopped, the man she knew as Trevor slowly and quietly faded away in front of her. Watching as a third person helplessly from some distant place in the dream all she wanted was to wake up, but each time she had this dream it ended the same way. Each time she watched him die over and over again and each time she hated it, hated herself when she woke up. Hated the tears on her pillow. Hated the fact that she was still alive, he was dead, and that life somehow had to go on.
Sitting bolt upright in the large bed they had shared, and one of the only things she had kept, she tried to catch her breath. She realized she may have started her life again but the past hadn’t let go of her. The first three months after his death were dark, gray, ominous times that she hardly remembered but over the last year she had come to some very sobering realizations: death was hardest on the ones left behind, very few people understood the pain that ached inside of her, and that the first steps were the hardest and close to impossible to take. She didn’t want to think that she was just forgetting the time she had spent with Trevor though. One part of her mind knew that, rationalized it, but there was still that little piece that wasn’t ready to let go. Until that piece was ready she just couldn’t move forward.
The moon had been full last night and the light streaming in from the other room almost made it feel like daytime. She looked at the clock beside the bed. It was almost five thirty in the morning and the sun would soon be chasing the moon from the sky. Morning would come, and also a respite from the dreams that never seemed to stop. Until it was time for morning and work though she would need to do something to keep her mind occupied. Crawling from the bed she decided to try the path in the state park just on the edge of town she had read about before moving here.
Douthat State Park was one of the oldest around and had boasted more than forty miles of trails, some easy and some hard. Kari couldn’t wait to try them all when she had read the information on the area. The more difficult routes were closed right now, but the easy ones would be open. Getting dressed she knew that the main gates wouldn’t be open but some of the easy trails came off the mountains and ended up in and around the town. She grabbed her clothes and her shoes. If nothing else an early, early morning's walk would help to exorcize some of the ghosts that haunted her right now. Putting on her light jacket and pocketing her mace she was out the door in less than fifteen minutes. It was a ten-minute drive to the trailhead she had seen only days before. Just what she needed to clear her mind.
Getting out of the car she could see that the sun was just about to rise. There was an eerie gray that claimed the sky before the sun rose and repainted the world. A color she could relate to. The moon was dancing just above the western horizon as the sun slowly made its entrance into the new day. The air, although it was cool, breathed a freshness into her that she thought she would never feel again. Maybe this was where she was supposed to be. She started up the path and carefully watched the area for any wild animals, or other types of animals, that might be around making sure to keep her mace close at hand.
The leaves and branches of the trees stretched back and forth across the pathway as if it were some elaborate lace work. The colors of the rising sun only served to highlight what were already brilliant shades of green in the leaves. Looking more closely at the leaves above she noticed that some of them had just begun to turn. Marveling at the different shades of reds and golds that had just started to tinge the edges of the leaves, the ones more exposed to the weather. Taking a deep breath Kari felt nearly whole. The dry grass crunched under her boots as another early riser, a squirrel, skittered across the path and up a nearby tree. There were other animals out there she could tell, small ones by the types of noises they made, just waking up to the new day. The birds in the surrounding trees were chirping. If it hadn’t sounded so corny she could have started to sing an old song from a kid’s movie about a blue jay being on her shoulder. The fact was that she hadn’t felt this alive for a while and it really did feel good.
As she walked she began to warm up. She slipped off her light jacket without missing a step and tied it around her waist. Her new hiking boots, the ones that she had just bought two weeks ago, seemed to be working out just fine. It had been about two years since she had been hiking and she had forgotten how much she had missed it. Trevor never really cared for hiking, or maybe it was just the outdoors, so over time she had just stopped trying to make him go. She stopped to look at a particularly blue wild flower hiding out under a big old tree when she heard something. Or at least she thought she heard something. Staying very still she just listened and it wasn’t long before she heard it again. Voices. Singing.
And it wasn’t just any singing. It was out of tune, off key, bad singing. The songs themselves were old eighties tunes for the most part. Not wanting to disturb the man with the not so golden voice she tried to move more slowly down the path to get past him. As she entered the clearing she noticed that it opened up onto a large pond or pool of water. It would almost be impossible to get past him without him seeing her. Still staying out of his sight she was surprised to see that he was swimming in it. It was cool enough to need a jacket in the mornings and evenings and this man was swimming around singing like it was summer. Wondering what to do she stood there listening. She tried to recognize the song, but couldn't. Obviously it wasn’t on the top ten list back then and so it would be far more difficult to identify. However it’s style definitely placed it squarely in the eighties.
Before she came completely out in the open though he swam up to the side of the pond and began walk out. He had on a white t-shirt that probably did little to protect him from the cold, especially since it was wet, and what looked like running shorts. The wet clothes clung to his very fit body and made it difficult for her to look away. Without knowing it she stared at this man in the morning shadows and watched him move toward a large rock off to the side. The day had just begun so the light was bad. That’s when she noticed a pile of clothes lying near that rock. Kari realized that it was too late to come out into the open and announce herself as he began to strip off his shirt. Kari quickly averted her eyes before the shirt had a chance to leave his torso. She could hear the drips from it as he was wringing it out whistling as if he was the only one in the world.
Kari wasn’t sure what she should do. It was hard not to keep from sneaking peeks at him. What she had seen of his body was pure tanned muscle and not the kind that had been built in a gym just for the purpose of looks. His muscles looked sleek, strong, and probably well used. Temptation got the better of her and Kari took a quick peek that turned into a longer one. She wanted to look away as he quickly toweled himself off but she didn’t. The early morning light hid most of the details from her but the outlines she could see were gorgeous. There looked like there might be scars on his chest and back but it was still too dark for her to get a good look at what they were. He rubbed his face with the towel and that directed Kari’s attention back upwards.
As he turned the bits of sun touched the corners of his face just enough to see some details. His face was serious and had a hardness to it, like it was chiseled from stone. Surprised and stunned she realized she had just used a term used in romance novels. At least it had been used in the one romance novel she had tried to read about six years ago. It was not a term she thought was ever used in real life, but it fit in this instance. It fit him. He took his hand and slicked back his black hair wet from swimming by running his fingers through it and she unconsciously licked her lips. She continued to watch transfixed as the muscles in his arm rippled as he dried. She had never seen anything like it; it was almost poetry in motion. Trevor had been in good shape, but not ripped.
Picking up a dry long sleeved t-shirt he pulled it over his head. The material hugged his body nicely. It suddenly occurred to her that if she came out of the underbrush now it would look like she was some kind of peeping tom. If she stayed here though, she would be.
“Liking what you see?” The voice boomed through the quiet morning unexpectedly. The question was rhetorical but it was his deep voice that jolted her. She really hadn’t thought he had seen her, but obviously she had been wrong. Now, she did look like a peeping tom. “If you don’t turn around soon you’ll get a real show,” she quickly turned around making more noise than expected and heard him laugh. Redness rose in her cheeks as she was now officially more embarrassed than he was.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be,” she paused not really knowing the right words to say at this moment, “I mean I wasn’t,” stumbling over her words. Did she want to say ‘looking’ because she wasn’t sure she was sorry that she had. Maybe she should apologize for intruding on his time and privacy. It was obvious that he hadn’t expected anyone else up here. And who swam in this weather, especially in the morning? Or maybe she had time to run away and he would never know who the early morning gawker was. Before she could decide though she heard his deep lazy voice right behind her and she nearly jumped a foot off the ground.
“Don’t worry about it,” he saw her almost fly out of her shoes but he ignored it. At first he was afraid that she had been staring at the scars that had been left on his back and chest, but then he realized that the sun, what there was of it, had been at the wrong angle. She may have gotten a good view but mostly in shadow, not any good details.
“How,” she turned to look at him. If he could move that quietly she should be scared. She wasn’t sure that she was, but she also wasn’t sure she wasn’t. The only thing she was sure of was that she was bright red with embarrassment. Looking up into his face she saw something there that kept her from running away. She couldn’t quite say what it was but she thought it was his something in his eyes. They were a rich dark brown, almost black. They reminded her of luxurious dark chocolate, which made it hard to look anywhere else.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to shock you,” he ignored her question of how he had gotten so close without her hearing. He wasn’t ready to explain that one. It would only lead to more questions and talking about what he did right now wasn’t on his to do list. He had first seen her standing in amongst the reeds while he was doing his laps in the pond. He had chosen to ignore her and continued to sing.
Truth be told he had been singing so loudly that he had missed her approach completely. In another place that could have been fatal, but here it looked like it might have served him well. He recognized her immediately as the blond from the restaurant. His eyes slowly took her all in. She was a little more than a foot shorter than he was and her curves were in all the right places, well balanced from top to bottom and what a bottom it was. He’d gotten a good look at it as he had approached just now. Her blond hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail but he didn’t mind because he could study her facial features better. Independently they weren’t anything to speak of but together they gave her an exotic look. Her skin should be fair considering the coloring of her hair but she was a rich olive tone. The corners of her eyes slightly tilted upwards making it look as if they were smiling. There must be some Greek or Italian in her family tree and she was a beneficiary. Her hiking boots were so new he would guess that she was either trying out a new hobby or renewing an old one. Looked like he was going to get the jump on Doris for information this time.
When he had gotten out he was surprised that she had just stood there and watched him. When she hadn’t turned around after he changed his shirt he decided he should warn her about the impending change of shorts to pants, especially since there was nothing on under his shorts. He didn’t mind but he expected she would be mortified and he was right looking at the lingering tinge of red on her cheeks and the tops of her ears.
"I need to,” and she stumbled over her words as she started to back up.
“Let me introduce myself,” he held out his hand just in time to reach out to catch her as she backed up and tripped. With one hand he grabbed her open hand and with the other he quickly placed the other under her elbow to brace her, “Holden Parker. I saw you at the cafe last night but you were reading your files and too deep in thought.”
“Thanks,” she quickly got her footing and he released her just as quickly because of the frightened look on her face, but not before he had felt it too. It felt as if there was an electric shock between them when they had touched, a connection. It had taken her off guard. Him as well. He suspected that he enjoyed it more than she did though, “Kari Jackson.” His name sounded familiar but her brains felt pretty scrambled right now.
“Well it’s nice to meet you Kari,” and Holden took a step back to give her some breathing room, “I take it you’re new in town.”
“I am,” and she left it like that, still a little flustered about what she had felt when they had touched, and not expecting that electric current between them. She had never felt anything like that before. Not even when Trevor had touched her and it threw her. Made her think about him. She had always felt safe and comfortable with Trevor. He was what was called a safe man. Trevor had had a good job, a nice nine to five and they had enjoyed each other’s company, but there had been no electric shock, no spark. Oh, she had loved him, and she wanted to build a life with him, but there wasn't that spark. One of her friends had talked about something like this but she had thought it was an overstatement. Worst yet she wanted to touch Holden again to see if it would happen again. Using some self-restraint she instead locked her eyes onto his as he spoke.
“Since this is,” he watched as Kari seemed lost in thought, “your first time out here you need to be careful.” He adjusted his bag on his shoulder, “There’s one trailhead up the way that should only be taken by experts. Its well marked so don’t worry about accidentally getting on it. It's closed right now, not a fall or winter trail. I’ve been on it a couple of times and would think twice about going that way without the right supplies. The trail you're on is the best one for a quick morning hike. Good choice for someone just starting out.” He saw the confused look in her eyes and understood.
“Again, how?” and she now looked a bit more confused and wary. Ready to run if necessary.
“The new shoes,” Holden pointed at them and then turned to go back down towards the pond. “If you ever want to take a swim though I can attest to the fact that it is perfectly safe,” and he walked back down the path not even turning to look at her. “A little cold,” he said over his shoulder, “but safe.” It left her wondering if he was talking about the lake or him.
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