Broken Souls ... by Annay Dawson
Chapter 13
Holden had gotten up extra early so as to be able to make coffee and get his swim in. He did his last lap in the pond and as he turned he looked back at the shore for the millionth time. He had tried not to be too eager this morning as he headed out here for his swim but he just couldn’t help it. Now he had swum his laps and sung his songs. It was time to get out of the water and he hadn’t heard her approach yet. The smile started to fade on his face as he crawled out of the pond and shook off the cold drips that hung on to the ends of his hair. Looking around he grabbed for his towel. There was one positive to this whole thing, he would be able to change without embarrassing her or having to show the scars that seemed to refuse to go away.
As he toweled off he began to think that there were only a few more days, a week or two maybe, that he would be able to come up here and swim. Whipping his wet shirt off over his head he felt the cold air hit his chest and back and he sucked in a breath of air. His skin immediately started to goose bump, at least most of it. The places that were scared didn’t quite get the idea. Quickly he toweled down and bent over and grabbed his dry sweatshirt. Maybe two weeks would be pushing it. Glancing around he still didn’t see her.
As Holden pulled the old sweatshirt on his smile faded. It hadn’t occurred to him just how much he was looking forward to seeing her this morning. It was strange how things had changed, how he had changed, in just a matter of days. Three days ago he still had trouble smiling during parts of the day, especially at times when he was alone with his thoughts. In the last few days he had found himself smiling at odd moments, even when he was alone. He hadn’t done that in what seemed like a long time.
He pulled off his swim shorts and threw them to the side as he wrapped a towel around his waist tucking in the end of to keep it up. That was when he heard her approaching. It made for what could be an odd or embarrassing moment. He didn’t have enough time to change but he wasn’t sure he wanted to greet her in just a towel but there really wasn’t much of a choice. Quickly he put his swim stuff into his bag and grabbed the blanket he had brought. He gave the blanket a snap and laid it on the ground. Bending over he started to pull out the thermos of coffee.
“Oh,” was all she said before she stopped moving. Taking a good slow look at him before she continued, “I brought muffins.” She held up the bag.
“Hi,” he stood and rested his hands on his hips, “why don’t you pour the coffee and I’ll just slip over there and put some pants on.”
“Shy?” The words slipped from her lips before she knew what she was doing. She would have never thought that she could be that forward. It really wasn’t in her nature to flirt or tease but it seemed very natural with him. She was rewarded with a lazy smile.
“Well now,” and his hands began to move. He could see both a startled look in her eyes and something else. It was definitely the something else he was curious about, “The muffins sound great, but I think we will both be more comfortable if I go over there,” he pointed to a group of trees, “and change.” By the time he got back she had coffee poured and set the muffins out.
“How do you swim in there? It must be freezing,” safe conversation. He could do that.
“The underground spring keeps the temperature pretty constant so it’s not too bad. It’s when you get out. Now that’s cold these days,” and he picked up his cup of coffee and took a sip.
“So are you going to stop swimming soon?” Kari pushed the muffins his way and he picked one up, banana, taking a bite before he answered.
“I will probably only swim for another week or so at most but I’ll still be up here each morning,” his voice was quiet and they sat in silence for a few minutes.
“Can I ask why?” Holden smiled sadly at that.
“Why do you come up here?” He turned and looked at Kari taking another bite of muffin while he waited for an answer.
“I like the quiet, the peace ,” was her answer.
“It’s the same for me,” and they stopped talking for a while as they finished the coffee and muffins. “Mornings have been hard for me lately and coming up here makes it easier.”
“I know what you mean. I came up here the other day because I was having a hard time sleeping,” she helped him pick up the cups, “And you were right. I hadn’t been hiking for a long time and it seemed like a good time to start again. New place, new things I guess.”
"I would have thought you would be a bit worried about your safety," he didn't look straight at her.
"Am, was really," she wasn't going to tell him that she had mace in her pocket among other things, "I've taken precautions."
“When I first started coming up here in the mornings I wasn’t very good company. I’ve gotten better and now I happen to really enjoy company,” he smiled and picked up the blanket. He had picked up on her use of the past tense and he smiled.
“If you have time I wouldn’t mind the company on my hike this morning,” she was hesitant. He wasn’t sure if she wanted him to say yes or no. He wasn’t sure either. If he said yes he might be pushing too hard. If he said no, then it might give the wrong impression as well.
“I,” he started but didn’t get very far before she started to talk again.
“It’s alright if you don’t want to come,” and his face dropped as she focused on the box that held what was left of the muffins.
“Actually, I really want to come but I don’t want to impose on your time and I wasn’t sure how to say that without hurting your feelings,” he touched her arm and got the reaction he wanted, “but it looks like I failed at that too.”
“Then it’s settled,” and she looked at him allowing his hand to stay right where he had placed it, “We go for a hike.” She wasn’t sure what she was in for but she did know one thing. She thought she liked where this might be going.
It had been three days, three wonderful days of coffee, muffins and walks. He was a wealth of information on the trails and the area. Had promised to take her out on some of the more difficult trails once it was safer, springtime, but something was bothering Kari. They had talked but most of the conversations were general in nature. Maybe it was her imagination but it seemed like they both had ghosts they were hiding from and now from each other. No matter, they had started an easy friendship and one she had grown to count on. It was nice not to be up there alone, to have someone who appreciated the activity as much as she did. More than that though she liked how she felt when she was with him. The more she thought about him the more she new she had heard his name before. She just couldn’t place where though.
Sitting at her desk she decided to take a break from her work and do an internet search of his name to see what would come up. Jordan had already brought her coffee and the clinic was humming so she was pretty sure that she wouldn’t be interrupted. Not that it was a crime to search up someone’s name on the internet, but she wanted to keep this new friendship private yet. It was mere seconds before the screen loaded and the list of links were staggering. The first site was a bio. When Kari clicked on it Holden’s smiling face appeared before her eyes as well as quite a bit of text. She began reading and immediately knew why she had recognized the name. He was a freelance journalist. The more she thought about how he seemed to make his own timetables the more it made sense.
She had read a bunch of his articles over the years not paying much attention to who had written them. He had won many awards and basically it looked like he got any assignment he chose to have right now. Clicking off the bio Kari clicked onto another sight and then another totally engrossed in what she was reading. She clicked on some of his previous articles and read them. He was good at what he did, his explanations clear and his delivery exact. With each click she got more and more interested. The one question that kept ringing her head was why was he here? She noticed that one of the links was his blog. Clicking on it she looked at the last entry he had made. It had been made over half a year ago. Odd for what he did. She started to read it.
“Hey,” the man’s voice at the door made her jump. Kari hadn’t expected anyone to come in as they had all been so busy over the last week with Dr. McCoy gone. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”
“Oh, no problem. Guess I was too focused. It’s good to see you Dr. McCoy. How’s your new little bundle?” Kari caught her breath as she watched the doctor beam. He didn’t have to say a word for anyone to know just how happy he was about having this new little joy in his life.
“James wants to be fed every two and a half hours. Gets up at least twice a night. Fusses when one of us isn’t doting on him and,” and this is where the smile, if it could, grew even bigger, “we are loving every minute of it.”
“I am so happy for you,” and Kari really was. It was nice to see someone with that much joy in their life. “So why are you here? I thought you had at least another week off.”
“I do but I needed to come in for a patient today,” and he continued, “Plus it was nice to see my new counselor so hard at work.” Kari tried not to blush at that remark. She really hadn’t been working right then, but she had been doing a great job on catching up with the backlog and the others must have told him that.
“I’m sure the others would have covered you,” and then just like that she remembered who the patient must be. Holden. He had been in the other day and refused to see anyone else. In fact his real file had to have been locked in Dr. McCoy’s office as the one that Jordan had wasn’t more than a piece of paper or two.
“No this one I have to see. It’s the deal we made. I forgot the other day so I called and rescheduled,” glancing at his watch he then continued, “and I don’t mind it will only be for a few minutes and then I can get back to that little one of mine and my lovely wife.”
“Oh,” was all she had time to say before she heard Holden’s voice behind him.
“So how’s your new little bundle of joy Doc?” He came right up to the doctor and shook his hand as he slapped him on the back.
“Absolutely perfect Holden,” he turned and pointed at Kari, “Have you met the new case manager?” Kari noticed a split second of shock on Holden’s face as if he had forgotten where she worked and what she did. If she hadn’t been watching she would have missed it, as Dr. McCoy had.
“Why yes I have,” and that shocked the doctor a bit. Holden continued. “We have had a chance to go hiking up in Douthat State Park the last couple of days,” and he smiled warmly at her as if they were sharing a secret that only they knew.
“Okay,” kind of stumbling over the word and then gaining composure, “Glad you two have hit if off.”
“Doc if you don’t mind,” and Holden turned his attention back to the doctor, “let’s get this over with and get you back to your family.” He then turned to Kari and in a low soft tone he spoke directly to her. “I’ll see you later.”
With that spoken he moved off with a wave. It was then that Kari realized that her computer screen still had him plastered all over it. Thank God no one could see it, but she quickly clicked off of it anyway.
The rest of the day was busy and she didn’t see Holden leave. It hadn’t been like she was staring at her door and waiting but the door was open and she thought she would have noticed him go out. Dr. McCoy had left and she had waved bye as she was in the middle of a phone call to the school nurse. They were setting up a time to go over the care of Daniel and his feeding tube as well as the list of other problems he had.
“Yes, I think Friday will work just fine,” the nurse was very pleased that she had called. They had both been thinking the same thing. It had been a long time since anyone had come down and gone over any changes. And it was probably time to do so.
“The morning tends to be very busy here so if we can arrange to come out right around lunch that way we can have Daniel there as well for part of it,” just a bit distracted, Kari was disappointed at the fact that Holden hadn’t said goodbye, and a bit relieved. She hadn’t told anyone yet that they had met or were even having breakfast together, as sordid as that sounded. Things like that spread fast in a small town. Before she could answer Jordan came bursting in.
“Alright, time to take a break missy,” and in she walked with a take-away bag from a local sandwich place.
“I will see you on Friday then,” she was just a bit put out by Jordan's attitude until she saw the lunch bag as she hung up the phone, “I was just about to get my lunch…” Jordan waved her hand at her to quiet Kari.
“No, no, no. You don’t get away that easy. You have been working like a trouper today and you are about two hours past lunch so you need a break,” she plopped down in a chair with a can of soda pushing the bag toward Kari, “I have ten minutes and you have only nine to fill me in on what’s going on with you and Mr. Tall Dark and Cute.”
“What,” she feigned ignorance, “Wait. Why do you call him that?”
“Because he is all of that and more. Now more about your reactions since they were quite interesting. Even Dr. M. said so,” Jordan playfully looked at her watch, “You now only have eight minutes so start talking. What ‘cha hiding?”
“Really?" And when that didn't work she continued, "What happens if I don't," and she laughed when Jordan tried to make a mean face. "Okay, I met him while I was hiking in the mornings and we’ve talked,” she smiled, “that’s all.” Jordan raised her eyebrow, “No, really that is all.” Kari emphasized the ‘is’.
“Okay, if you say so,” Jordan began to stand, “Not as exciting as I hoped.”
“How well do you know Mr. Parker?” Jordan stopped and turned back around semi-surprised at her use of Mr. Parker. Her arms were folded across her chest and her face didn’t reveal any emotion.
“Humm," the look on her face let Kari know that she thought there was much more to the story now, "Not all that well,” she shrugged and smiled, “Nothing in his file either as you know.” Turning back around Kari heard the jangling of Jordan’s earrings, the only thing that didn’t match the plain utilitarian outfit she wore. She would have to guess that Jordan hadn’t read the bylines in the papers and magazines much otherwise she might have put two and two together as well. It left Kari wondering why Holden was in here to see Dr. McCoy? Why it was only Dr. McCoy, and what was in his file that was so confidential?
She tackled the sandwich as she continued to work and slowly the din from outside her door died down. It was then she looked at her watch and realized that it was almost time to go home. Closing up the computers and securing her files she then made notes in her phone and duplicate notes written in a day planner that she still kept. It was old fashioned but it worked for her.
“Jordan are you headed out?” Kari stopped at the front desk looking for the receptionist.
“I only wish,” came the voice from the stacks. “I have at least twenty more files to put away before I can leave.”
“Do you want me to help or wait for you?” For some reason Kari wasn’t sure she wanted to be alone.
“No, go on ahead,” and she poked her head out, “I’m going over to my Dad’s tonight. He's cooking. I'd invite you but he's not a very good cook.”
“Okay, see you tomorrow,” Kari walked out and closed the clinic door behind her. As she turned she noticed an old truck sitting in the lot and a familiar smile behind the wheel. She walked up to the driver’s side window.
“Hungry? Breakfast was quite a while ago,” was all he said. It was as if he expected her to take him up on his offer.
“Hum,” she was hungry and the thought of having supper with him was tempting. When she was with him she forgot about being sad, and yes, that was very tempting.
“Is that a hungry hum, or a ‘is this man stalking me’ hum,” he smiled. When he did that he could see that one more layer melted and he was on his way to a yes.
“Okay,” Kari walked to the other side of the truck. This was going to be different. So far she had only spent casual mornings with him and now it looked like it was going to be more of a date type date. Her pace slowed a bit as she thought of Trevor. He was the life she should have had. Kari had always thought she had forever with him. No one ever told her that forever was going to be just three years.
Holden watched as Kari’s pace slowed and her thoughts seemed to go elsewhere. Maybe this was too much too soon. He hoped not. The mornings had been really relaxed and they had grown more comfortable with each other but maybe this was too fast, too much for her. Whatever had happened to her in the past had changed her, and something in him connected with that. There was a part of him that was damaged as well, changed forever and spending time with her seemed to mend the wound little by little. He saw more than heard her exhale as she squared her shoulders just before getting in. He would need to make this good if he wanted it to ever happen again.
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