Broken Souls ... by Annay Dawson
Chapter 14
“I didn’t realize that you were a journalist,” she fumbled for the seat belt, “I’ve read a lot of your work. It’s really good.”
“Thank you,” and his smile seemed to slip and the glint in his eyes dull a bit. By the look and way he held himself it seemed like he didn’t want to talk about his work. He turned the truck out of the parking lot. Kari decided to change the topic back to something safer as she struggled with her own demons.
“So are we going to the little café around the corner?” Kari sat almost board stiff after she had fastened the belt. Holden was sure that if he put his hand on the seat beside him she would jump out the window so he kept both hands firmly on the wheel.
“I’d love to but Doris there is a bit chatty and I’m not sure you want her speculating on why we are there together,” giving her a quick smile he then focused back on the road and continued, “So I know of this great place over by the mall. It’s got Italian food so I hope that it’s okay.”
“Sounds fine,” the farther from the center of town that he drove the tighter Kari hung on to the door.
“I’m not sure it’s as good as the café but it isn’t too far from here. About seven more minutes.” It didn’t seem to make her relax though.
“No, no it will be fine,” making sure to keep her eyes straight ahead.
“Kari,” Holden pulled the truck over to the side of the road and turned to look at her, “If this is too much for you I’ll take you home. We don’t have to go out for supper but,” and this time he let his emotions play out on his face and the layers that hid them fade away, “I really like spending time with you and I would really like to have supper with you.”
“Holden,” and he could see her shoulders relax as she turned to look at him, “Sorry, this is just new for me, going out and all.”
“That’s why I don’t want to rush you into anything you are uncomfortable with, but something about you makes the best part of me want to live again and after my last assignment that’s saying something,” she looked shocked at that. She was about to say something and Holden stopped her, “My last assignment didn’t go well. Talking with you, being with you, has helped.” There was quiet in the truck for what seemed like years.
“So does this place have lasagna?” she smiled as Holden relaxed and pulled out onto the road again. They didn’t really speak again until they were seated at the restaurant. They had each placed their order and Holden added a bottle of red wine on to it for them. When the waiter brought the wine Holden signaled for him to just leave it on the table.
“May I pour you a glass?” He held up the bottle, “I didn’t want the waiter to assume,” she gave him a slight nod and he began to fill her glass.
“This is seeming more and more like a dinner date and not just a chance meeting,” she smiled, “Just a half a glass please.”
“If I am honest,” he poured the wine slowly watching it swirl into his glass now, “I’d rather it be a dinner date.” Holden was watching the wine but focused on Kari. When he made the last statement he noticed the slightest flicker of hesitation across her face and then it was gone.
“So Mr. Parker, tell me about your numerous journalism awards,” desperately needing to change the subject she moved into safe territory, or so she thought. The slight dulling of his eyes and tightening of his jaw told another story.
“It’s a job like any other. Some days are good ones, and some days are bad. Some you just get nothing,” and his eyes focused on something far away. This was the second time she had tried to engage him in conversation about his work and the second time he had sidelined it. She thought back to his blog that had abruptly ended about six months ago.
“I’ve read some of what you have written and it truly is phenomenal work,” his reporting had been in-depth and insightful as well as direct. His work had been touted as some of the best journalistic writing seen lately. But none of this explained the fact that he had completely dropped off the news radar recently.
“Thank you,” and as his tension faded a semi-forced smile returned, “but I would rather talk about you tonight.”
“I’m not that interesting,” Kari played with the stem of wine glass wondering just how much she should tell him.
“I happen to disagree,” Holden took a sip of wine but never stopped looking at her. His intense stare warmed her and made her want to squirm. Instead she dropped her eyes as he continued, “New Field isn’t really on anyone’s radar of places to be and yet you seemed to have made this town your destination. I don’t think it was just for the job.”
“In some ways it really was. I saw the job opening and it looked interesting,” she wouldn’t meet his eyes, “I thought I might be able to do some good here.”
“I’m sure you can do a lot of good here, or anywhere you choose to be,” that was when the waiter brought over their food. They both waited until he had put down the food to continue talking.
“Why are you up in the pond every morning?” Kari picked up her fork and looked at Holden. She thought she saw, more than heard him, sigh.
“I’ll tell you what,” and Holden took a bite of his food. He let her just wait as he chewed. Slowly he took another sip of wine then continued, “I will tell you one of my secrets if you tell me one of yours,” at which he grinned a little wickedly at her. Kari knew she was playing with fire. No one, except Dr. McCoy, knew about her reasons for running away here. It would take them to a whole new level of intimacy. One she wasn’t sure she was ready for just yet.
Holden sat and waited, almost scared. She seemed to be contemplating this choice way too long. He had to wonder if he had pushed too hard this time. He wasn’t sure he wanted to share any of his secrets either but if they were going to get past the nice to know you stage they would have to someday touch on something deeper. As the silence stretched on to an increasingly troublesome amount of time he thought he might have to take it back. The sip of wine she took was deliberate. Playing with her food was indicative of her discomfort. Holden felt guilty for pushing and he was about to say something, anything, when Kari finally spoke.
“I’m running away from my old life,” and with that said she shoveled a bite of food into her mouth to keep him from asking more.
“Okay,” he said rather evenly, “I’m not quite sure what that means but I think that makes it my turn,” until that moment he was going to give the same type of answer; short and uninformative. Now, with that admission he changed his mind. There was no time like now to jump in with both feet. To build trust someone had to go first, “I go up to the pond every morning to forget what happened to the group of men I was with.
“You see,” and he paused only to play with his food for a moment, and to focus on exactly what he wanted to say. It would feel good to get it off his chest, but it would open the wound once again, “The accident happened at dawn. The helicopter went down and a lot of men got hurt and some died that day.”
“Oh,” she wasn’t sure what to say, “I’m sorry.”
“I was on the helicopter,” and that’s where he stopped. The fork moved from his plate toward his mouth.
“That’s how you got hurt,” Kari made the statement as if it was a fact she had read in the newspaper. Holden’s folk stopped and he looked at her. “It was obvious that if you are seeing a doctor it had to be because of an injury. Well…”
“I guess I made that easy,” and he took his bite.
“Not too easy,” taking a sip of wine again, “And his name was Trevor.”
“Okay,” it was now his turn not to be shocked as she continued.
“He was coming home, it was about two years ago, and there was a terrible accident on the freeway,” Kari started to play with her food again.
“I’m sorry,” even though he knew it wasn’t enough.
“It was harder when we had to pull the plug,” Kari wasn’t sure why she was talking about this. She hadn’t talked about this for such a long time but Holden was different. He felt safe.
He was in shock but didn’t intend to show it. Over his time as a journalist he had heard and seen some pretty hard things but to have to determine the end of life for one you love seemed so much harder than anything he had ever done.
“Sorry,” she had noticed that Holden had stopped eating, “I think I spoiled the mood,” Kari wiped her mouth with the napkin and set it on the table.
“No,” and Holden placed his hand on top of hers, “I am just amazed at your strength. I am in awe,” At this Kari let a nervous laugh loose.
“Now who’s telling lies,” but she didn’t pull away.
“No really,” Holden gently squeezed her hand, “I may have been in some tough spots but making that decision, God,” and he shook his head.
“Yeah,” and she pulled her hand away.
“When the helicopter went down it was just before dawn. I had moved toward the back so that the team could load,” he paused. "I'd been with these guys for months. We'd become close." What he wanted to say now was really classified and he wasn’t allowed to talk about it. But they weren’t here; he was, she was. He would just blur the details, “It was supposed to be a relatively safe pick up. They loaded fast and we were off, or so we thought. Before the helicopter got up very far it came back down, already on fire.” Kari had stopped eating as her attention was all on him.
“Once we hit ground things got bad fast,” it was what he wasn’t saying that filled in the gaps for Kari.
“How many died?”
“It wasn’t so much the men who died right away that got to me,” and he could see that she was taken aback at that, “Don’t get me wrong. We grieved for them, but not right away. The ones that lived, or the ones that weren’t quite dead, those are the ones that still haunt me.”
“And you?” It was a question he knew he would have to face at one time or another.
“I was in the back of the copter,” he leaned on the table, head on his hands. “I was one of the injured, luckier than most.”
“And that’s why the cool water in the morning, the burns,” she touched his arm gently.
“Yes,” he looked up at her, “although it is mostly just the new scar tissue. The cool water feels good,” he took her hand and smiled, “But I wasn’t lying when I said that something about you makes the best part of me want to live again.”
“I understand,” this time it was Kari’s turn to smile, “Something about you makes me want to smile again, try again.”
The rest of dinner went well and when it was time to leave Holden took Kari’s hand as they left the restaurant. He waited for her to pull her hand away but she didn’t and he smiled as they walked toward the truck. Opening the door he helped her in and closed the door. As he walked back to his side he caught himself whistling and smiling.
As he drove back to her apartment he couldn’t help himself as he glanced at her and smiled. The evening had been so much better than he had planned. He understood how she felt, the trepidation. Loss wasn’t easy to deal with. He fought with it day in and day out. They had so much more in common than he could have guessed, that's why their souls had sought each other out. As the truck came to a stop they both climbed out.
“You really don’t have to walk me to the door,” and she smiled shyly. Kari had been watching Holden smile. It was a really nice smile and knowing that she had put it there put a smile on her face as well, and wasn’t that different. “What?”
“I don’t know,” taking her hand he walked with her, “Maybe I’m just happy.” The idea that the night was coming to an end wasn’t making him happy but he wasn’t going to push it now. He wouldn’t say no if he were invited in but those chances were very, very slim. When they reached the door he stopped and she turned to face him.
“It’s been a lovely evening,” and truth be told she didn’t want it to end either, but it had to. She knew she wasn’t ready for anything more, not just yet, but as she stared into his eyes she couldn’t help but imagine more.
“It really has been,” Holden’s voice was low and deep. He smiled and let his eyes drop to her lips and linger there. All he wanted to do right at this moment was kiss her but he wouldn’t rush it, wouldn’t rush her. She mattered that much to him. His free hand slowly brushed a small strand of hair off her cheek that had escaped from her ponytail and he could feel her shiver slightly. Without taking his eyes off her lips he continued, “Will I see you in the morning?”
“It’s,” Kari’s eyes also dropped slowly to Holden’s lips as she willingly leaned in to his touch. His hand on her face felt both rough and warm against her cheek and he seemed in no hurry to remove it from there. Kari was in no hurry either. The touch of his solid fingers as they gently moved the hair behind her ear and then the way his calloused palm cupped her cheek seeming to draw her back into the world with it’s warmth. Making her want things she didn’t think she could want anymore.
Holden closed the space between their faces slowly, intentionally. Before their lips could touch he paused. He wanted nothing more than to taste her lips but he also wanted to give her an out, nothing forced was ever good. He could feel the breath hitch in her throat. Could feel the hesitation and her want. He felt it all of it as well.
Kari watched his lips as he moved closer as if in slow motion. Fear gripped her for a moment. Fear that he would kiss her, fear that he wouldn’t and then he stopped. Their faces were now so close she could feel the warmth of his breathe caressing her cheek. Time stood still, her eyes half open and anticipation slowly building. Her heartbeat loudly pounding in her eyes drowning out everything else. As the time seemed to stretch on it struck her that he wasn’t hesitating, he was allowing her complete control of the moment. He had left her an out but she didn’t take, so she closed the distance that remained between them.
As their lips touched he tasted the garlic and wine from the meal as the soft warmth of her lips pressed against his. Taking his time he softly feathered her lips with promising kisses and as time melted away and it seemed like the kiss had just started when she slowly pulled back. To Holden the kiss, or kisses, hadn’t lasted nearly long enough. He had wanted to deepen each and every kiss, the desire stronger with each taste he got, but he held back knowing not to rush her. Smiling as he pulled back, he settled for knowing that this would not be the last time they would kiss.
Kari could tell he wasn’t ready to stop as his eyes were still half closed as he reluctantly moved back and drew in a breath as a simple smile that she knew was just for her formed on what she knew now as his warm welcoming lips, “a date.”
Kari slipped into her apartment while Holden stood and watched taking a moment to relive the moment. A happy, silly smile grew from the one of passion that had been there just minutes before and his eyes continued to look at the door for a couple of moments before he turned and walked back down to his truck. As he drove home he started to whistle. He could hardly wait for the morning's date.
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